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this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2023
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Asklemmy
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You probably dodged a bullet there. This sounds a lot like someone who is already in a relationship or at the very least has a similarly strong reason to move on. Did they invite you over or was it always about them coming over?
Only time really works for me. This will be extra tough on you because the first month of a relationship is peak honeymoon phase. We rarely see any negatives. The other person is essentially perfect in our eyes during that period. And that's the memory and expectations you're left with. In truth though, you have at best only met the tip of the iceberg. You're not craving a person but rather the ideal your mind has built for them.
I'm pretty confident it wasn't due to a secret relationship. He's a digital nomad so he's never in one place for very long, which he'd stated early on as to why he doesn't expect to have a long term relationship with anyone.
So in fairness to him, he did try to manage my expectations. I knew it was a "situationship" and even told myself to not get too invested, just enjoy the moment with him etc and be ready to move on once he left.
I lost sight of that the longer we spent together, and despite what he said at the beginning, I naively thought that things were naturally developing into something more serious and that he'd be willing to do something long distance with me.
But in fairness to me also, he did say things like how he didn't expect that we'd become so close, that I was the first person to make him reconsider moving back to his home country, and he did all kinds of things that imo, most people wouldn't do for someone who's just a casual fling. It's just hard for me to understand that sort of inconsistency, but I guess all I can do is accept that people can be like that and that they'll disappoint you as a result.