Yeah, you raise some valid points about the future of reddit itself and communities being forced. A few things I specifically still want to reply to:

I guess I also don’t get the concern about picking “the right lemmy instance” - at worst, it’s like picking an e-mail server, or grocery store. Try a random one, find out what doesn’t work for you (if anything) and then use that knowledge to evaluate the next one.

Well yeah, but that is in hindsight easy to say. If all you have heard is "Lemmy" and you start looking things up it can become a bit overwhelming and dififcult to figure out. Also, ironically, because a lot of people are trying to put information out there. But, not everyone is good at actually creating easy to follow resources. Also, from a user perspective, you are entirely right. From a community perspective it is slightly more complex. You either need to find the money and people with technical know how to host your own instance or find a reliable instance that allows community creation.

I tend to quote and comment on the part of a comment I’m replying to that I have something to say about it.

On reddit I, personally, also wouldn't have assumed that to be the intent. Often because that is not what is happening. What I often do when I just want to reply to something specific is stating it. Something along the lines of "I generally agree with your post/comment, but this part specifically, I do have a slightly different view of" and then follow with the quote.

this is a rant (so don’t take it that seriously)

Heh, some people want their rants to be taken very seriously :) So again, just add it as context. Not just state that it is a rant, but that because of it is doesn't have to be taken seriously.