Who in God's name sits down to watch a replay of their kid's soccer game that they already saw live

lmao, soccer moms showing it off to their grandparents or adding one or two cuts into a graduation video, etc. Basic family shit. If I buy a phone with the best video camera possible, I want to be able to record jimmy's birthday parties, jane's soccer games, and whatever else theyre doing without having to stress about which kid is more important to show to grandma at the end of the month because i'm low on space.

You've missed the point though. The specific example is generic and not meant to be taken literally.