Most of my traumas come from the fact that I was different, without understanding that I was different.

Yeah, I feel like I can well understand. Obviously not ofc, especially your particulars - and this is no contest, leastwise not one that anyone would ever come close to "winning" - but in general. For example, the former sentence could be a HORRIBLE thing to say? Lacking empathy - like "I skinned my knee one time, so I know precisely what pain you are going through!" -or it could be... not, and I don't even know the difference!!! To me it sounds logical therefore I share it. And that is why I feel like I know what you mean: other people react, and I have little idea why, which leaves me constantly trying to second-guess every single tiny fucking thing. Maybe I am sighted and they are blind, thus lacking the ability to see as clearly as I do, they have a different set of facts, so react differently? But at the same time, I KNOW that I am blind, especially if I cannot "see clearly" enough to guess their reactions, so it cannot be as simple as that. In reality, it is both. And my trauma I suppose is some whole other thing entirely, related to neither, and yet since it interconnects with both... sigh, anyway, I halfway get what you mean:-).

Be careful about wishing for capitalism to retire. ~~We~~ you just might get your wish. Ngl, the wealthy look to be gearing up to replace society with something different, and it might leave the broken democracy and capitalism portions behind, replacing it with simply abject slavery - a form of communism where YOU work hard for THEIR gain (instead of your own as capitalism typifies), and thus "everyone is equal", except for the like 5 people at the top. Who at that point might not even be people anymore but rather AI robots, or even just plain & simple corporations, where even the CEO has no more rights than a janitor, just a few extra perks.

I do not think the exercise about what we all should want is entirely useless, but I do worry that we are getting so wrapped up in such thinking processes that we, collectively as society ofc, are forgetting that we may not get what we want, and rather that the evil ones may dangle some pretty bauble at us, but end up switching that bait with their own devious version of it as we try to grasp at it. Trump is a living example of that - despite making himself a butt-monkey puppet for Putin and thus not being the true "agency" doing the thinking himself, still he serves well enough as a name to call it - where he offered to his supporters to overthrow Biden in an effort to "save democracy and freedom". Ofc the January 6 rioters would not have ended up "saving democracy" AT ALL, and THEY are the ones taking away people's "freedoms"... which is why this is a perfect example of what I am saying here: what THEY "offer" is not necessarily a good thing, when they are predating upon our emotions and we (collectively, societally) are too dumb to realize that:-(.

Trump may also be a weirdly good example in another way: showing us that there truly CAN be a "wrong" type of person:-). I mean, what is wrong with hollowing yourself out to become a mouthpiece for someone who would rather choose to hide in the shadows? There are multiple ways to be correct, and MANY more ways to be incorrect, but there are some, very few things to be avoided. Except, and this is the part that gets weird, sometimes, at least on evolutionary timescales, sometimes that WORKS!? Like, literally avoid all the traps set for you, not b/c you were too smart to fall for them, but b/c you were too dumb to have fallen for them!!!!:-P Still, while there may not be a "right" and a "wrong" way, there are ways that tend to work better than others, and Trump's way seems wrong to me. But other things, like a lot of my own feelings, I have little control over, so I don't worry too much (hehe, that is an enormous lie just so you know:-P) about whether they are "right" or "wrong":-P. As the stoics said: only worry about what you can control!:-D

I just really enjoy saying stupid silly shit.

Holy crap are you my soulmate? J/k - I don't even believe in that - but... well, it sounded silly in my head, so I HAD TO SAY IT!:-P The weird part is, whenever I do say stuff like that, I tend to get down-voted. (I still do it though:-P - their reaction is on them, but I got my fun and moved on:-D)

About fighting against instant messaging: fwiw, I know my limitations, and therefore work around them. In this case, I only ever access Lemmy from a webpage - either mobile or desktop - and never allow notifications to be turned on. I hope that thought sparks something in you. Not that I am advocating for it mind you - that's your business and I do know if it would even work for you, but what I hope it will do is spark a thought process in you.:-) In turn, I would hope that thought process would either lead you to change something so that you felt more free, or else that you would stay the same but again, feel more free and settled in what you are doing:-).

And if it helps to hear from the other side, I would hate to be the cause of any pain for you. Though I am dumb as shit - in this respect at least (we all are smart in many but not all ways, okay so maybe not "all" but MANY people have various forms of intelligence, which are usually not entirely evenly distributed) - and might not know how to avoid that? Anyway, again it is obviously not a "directive" b/c I have zero rights to such, but just me sharing how I feel, when I say that I would hope that you take some time for yourself. I also hope you do not forget me!!! But like... in a way I guess I do then, if that would cause you undue strain? I feel like you more than most people will understand what I mean here... even though I do not, fully, myself:-).

Rest easy:-P. Until it is time to rise again:-).