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Opensource/foss Discord frontend
(lemmy.world)
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For similar reasons to your own, I tried a few different Discord frontends a while back so I could chat with one of my friends who lives abroad. I never found a winner. They either wouldn't connect or would be missing tons of features (for example: one of them only let you watch the chat, not participate in it). I also seem to remember reading somewhere that Discord is pretty aggressive when it comes to third party apps. It's their app or nothing. You might have better luck than I did, but I wouldn't get my hopes up.
And as others have mentioned, if you're looking for privacy, Discord ain't it. Sorry I couldn't give you a more helpful response.
FWIW I've been using purple-discord for several years (and made some contributions to it) and have yet to be banned.