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What kind of institutional gaslighting is this?
(i.redd.it)
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this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2024
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I had basically this exact conversation with my supervisor last week. She was like, "I like to have ___ done by Thursdays," because I was sick on Thursday and said I'd do it first thing Friday morning. So I said, "Ok, so is the deadline for this task Thursdays then? Because that's never been communicated to me." And she said, "Well, I like to have it done by Thursdays." Holy fuck, JUST TELL ME HOW MANY PIECES OF FLAIR I NEED.
Anyway, I'm looking for a new job because I can't work in a place that wants to penalize people for not living up to expectations they didn't know existed. My entire review (first one in 2 1/2 years) was a series of "Remember this thing from months ago? Well we didn't like how you did that but we never said anything and just sat on it until now." Cool, thanks for setting me up to fail, appreciate that.
Remember the most basic principles ever?
Exactly. I've always known my boss was great at most of her job but not very good at people management (because I don't think she particularly wants to do it), but being blindsided with things it's too late to even address was so demoralizing. What the heck am I supposed to do about a phone call from December about an issue that's been long since resolved?
Unfortunately all you can do is try to thicken your skin and attempt to "manage upwards".
"I appreciate the feedback and I'll bear that in mind in the future, but there's nothing I can do about this months later. Next time let me know when I still have an opportunity to correct the issue and I'll gladly course-correct."
And refuse to sign the review. Be specific that you don't accept being penalized for mistakes you made months before you were told the rule.
You can push back while being polite and professional in some places, so it's worth a shot if you're already being shit on or are on the way out.
If you've tried it and gotten nowhere though, just disengage and try to stop caring so much.
Your manager's failure to communicate is their problem, not yours.