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this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2024
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How does this "stunning revelation" not surprise me at all?
(satire)
Breaking:
Over 50% of the Yukon is a mid a raging wildfire. The air in NYC is unsafe to breathe as a result
Breaking:
Nuclear warhead strikes kyiv
Breaking:
Chemical weapons being used en masse in Palestine a human rights violation
Breaking:
the dam you never heard of broke. Idk something like 100k people are drowning/drowned well know more soon maybe.
Breaking:
a hurricane hit Miami and it's gone now. Like Atlantis. Gone.
Breaking:
Key West too lol wow yeah. Probably more
Breaking:
Category...7? Tornado... Engulfs all of Amarillo Texas. It's just a field now.
Breaking:
same with Kansas city. Which one? Haha. Yep...
Breaking:
Leftover rains from hurricane "Tempest" (they/them), have inundated all major watersheds along the eastern seaboard. Over 6% of i95 is under water or inaccessible due to floods and damage. Cities near rivers by the coast are now a part of "the delta".
Breaking:
Elon musk got paid more in cash than he blew on Twitter by his investors for some reason
Breaking:
US President Tucker Carlson has agreed to purchase Greenland from... Wait, Russia? Huh.
Breaking:
Doom scrolling causing blindness; humans too addicted to stop
Breaking:
President Tucker Carlson appoints Alex Jones as secretary of state
Breaking:
New CEO of Apple is also CEO of Google. FTC does nothing because most of them are on the board of both companies
Breaking:
2030 is over. The world has finally transitioned to TittyBux [TITB +10,305%]. Who would have ever thought the future would be a place where 18 year old men invest in their future by providing proof of ejaculation occuring during an ad window?
Breaking:
The cure for some kinds of autism is apparently weed #2030
Breaking:
Turns out Halo was not fiction. Well, the part sbout the US harvesting babies for an army programs due to low recruitment numbers. And then they kinda went nuts with it lol
Breaking:
The Mayans were right. All physicists now agree that tomorrow is actually December 13, 3012. It means nothing but that's the new date.
Breaking:
Still have daylight savings for some reason
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New virus just makes you dumber. Highly contagious. Vaccine works, but infected persons don't believe in it.
Breaking:
Trump said he wants to "kill the darkies."
Ok honestly... Tell me how much of that seems plausible
Tell me more about these tittybux...
Sign up for X's Brain Chip Ad Pleasure Plus program!
The program allows users the opportunity to be fed advertisements directly to their brain. If the brain chip registers an orgasm during the advertisement, you can receive a direct payment of up to (oYo)5. That's 5 TittyBux [TITB].
Ok sir, step this way for your 'vitamin' shot.
The least plausible thing is Trump being able to talk in sentences (or even being alive) in 2030.
I'm in this comment and I don't like it one bit.
Well Tempest, someday they'll have gender neutral years for hurricane names. And I'll be here for ya when they do.
Or not, I might be underwater.