When we are talking about an issue where someone is potentially at risk of suicide, nothing else matters. There's nothing else in the pronoun debate that comes close to the weight of all the dead kids lost to suicide because they didn't feel accepted by our transphobic society. We need to make trans people feel accepted. Someone else thinking they're accepted isn't good enough, because that doesn't change the suicide risk. The only measure of whether trans people are actually accepted is what trans people think.