Totalitarianism is always when the other guy does it

No...totalitarianism is an actual distinct system of governance when the state controls every aspect of daily life, communication and economic activity. It's an actual word with meaning.

It’s got an anti-war infestation that’s regularly accused of being tankies for failing to clap for the correct set of tanks.

Ok, I'm not sure if we're talking through a translator app or something, but I didn't get banned from lemmy.ml for being "pro-war" I got banned for mentioning a historical fact about the Great Leap Forward and acknowledging other atrocities like the genocide occurring in Xinjiang.

If someone is anti-war they would be against those types of things as well. Tankies instead deny that those events occurred/are occurring, that's why they're so easy to spot and how people know they're on Lemmy -- they literally can't condemn the CCP for any of the things they purport to be against when it comes to other countries, since it's counter-productive to their true goals to criticize the CCP.

By contrast an honestly anti-war progressive type of person would be just as clear-eyed about their own government as they are the CCP. That's being anti-war, you can't be selective or try to ignore degrees of difference just because it's politically uncomfortable, that's just being a mouth-piece for a specific flavor of authoritarianism.

Calmly explaining this to my US Postal Service and my Tennessee Valley Authority

Again, running public services is not the same as the state owning and controlling all businness and industry. If the Post Office was used to control speech, that would be totalitarian use of a public service.

I think you're just being obtuse at this point. You might be down for totalitarianism and the abolishment of individual freedoms, most people are not. Since, you know, having no rights kind of suck ass.