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this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2024
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No Stupid Questions
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Shouldn't the proposal be a surprise? I was thinking the ring as well?
Hi! The proposal itself should be a surprise, but the fact you are proposing should not. You and your partner should discuss marriage and be on the same page on what you want from the relationship before you take that step.
The proposal can still be a surprise, just think of a way to do it where going ring shopping together is the big surprise, rather than the ring itself (if they have a good sense of humour, maybe use a gummy ring or a mood ring, something really silly as a stand in, otherwise maybe a ring shaped "coupon"? Or some other symbolic token that would hold meaning to just the two of you?).
[not OP] I thought about a ring pop. I ended up making a paper ring and quoting Taylor Swift. "I like shiny things but I'd marry you with paper rings". A normal durable ring followed, but she got to pick it out. As stated above, shevs the one wearing it all the time.
That's a perfect example of what I meant, it's cute and personal to your relationship, and leaves the other person room to choose something they're comfortable with.
Personally I think the ring should be the least important part of a proposal (though I say this as someone who is not interested in getting one, and who also hates wearing rings lol)..
The fact that the proposal is coming should not be a surprise. Neither should the look and style of the ring. Just shop for it together.
The actual moment of the proposal, if well researched and planned, can be a fun surprise (if your proposee enjoys that kind of surprise. And there's no need to get fancy. Just ask. Not for permission to propose, but for permission to make it a surprise.)
But even that shouldn't be too much of a surprise.
Also, make sure it's a "dress your best" kind of date, so your proposee will feel good about that way they look.
Depends on the individual, some want it as a surprise, some aren't as concerned about the surprise.