I was thinking along these lines. Like, if you want to sell me on a subscription mouse then it had better be less than a dollar a month, and it had better come with replacement hardware at any time for any reason for no additional fee with the time between request and delivery prorated against my bill. Anything less than that and someone else is going to eat your lunch by just selling the fucking hardware, but if you do that I'm going to start seeing how many creative ways I can destroy mice.

"I'm sorry sir, I can't return the damaged mouse it's at the bottom of a hole no human has seen the bottom of since at least the Civil War. It's none of your business why I was using my laptop at least ten miles out of cell range, let alone wifi range and at least 5 miles from the nearest AC power. But it's **definitely ** the deer's fault that it's down there."