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So tired of Adobe. They're part of the problem.
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Apparently Word is a good PDF editor. Or Inkscape for single page documents.
Inkscape now supports multi-page documents! The PDF importer was also recently overhauled.
Inkscape at this point is the “hold my beer” of PDF editors, able to edit absolutely anything on the page.
Only problem is Inkscape can't import or embed PDF fonts. It can convert text to paths during import, but that's it.