I host 2 ejabberd servers. One casual, federated, the other one standalone, for work.

• Conversations is a decent android client that supports modern XMPP standards
• Dino on the desktop. It just happen to support the same subset of standards as Conversations, so they work pretty well together.

For Mastodon, I'm using an Akkoma instance hosted by a frind of mine

• Tusky works pretty well with it. There were certain annoying bugs when I combined the official Mastodon app with Akkoma.

Every once in a while I try Matrix, but each time I try to log in, Synapse is is fucked in a different way. I have to scrap it up and start from the ground up some day.

• Only the element based clients so far, because every alternative lack certain features.

I'm a big fan of Nostr, because of one particular feature - You control your identity without having to selfhost a server. The network seems to be occupied by the christian-carnivore-bitcoin-conservatives so far, therefor it's pretty bland when it comes to content.

• Amethyst on Android
• Gossip on the desktop. This one requires a certain knowledge of the protocol. Each action needs to be manually triggered.

For some special use cases I have Signal, but most of the time, Telegram is the best the average person can do to meet me in the middle.