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Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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Why wouldn't XMPP work? It fulfills all your requirements and has nice modern apps, especially for mobile. Definitely better than Matrix.
The easiest to get started with it would be setting up a Snikket server (Prosody based, but pre-configured for small private groups).
I ran an XMPP network based on prosody and used snikket on android. Can recommend!