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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Tiny-Fisherman-963 on 2023-10-02 11:13:40.
My partner's sister (well, his ex-sister in law - its complicated!) booked a party for her 50th birthday on the day of my birthday. It was completely by accident, she's lovely. She said she understood if me and my partner had plans that day.
When my partner told me about the party he said "its on your birthday, are you ok to go to it and we'll celebrate your birthday the weekend after?" and I have to admit my gut reaction was no. I dont particularly want to spend my birthday at someone elses party where I wont know most people and because we have a 3yo I will be on mum duty all night because his parents will be there so wont be able to baby sit (my parents dont live close). I wouldnt be able to drink and would have to leave early to put my daughter to bed. I know from experience that my partner wouldnt sacrifice having a drink and wouldnt assume the lion's share of the parenting duty so I can let my hair down.
I didnt want to tell my partner he couldnt go so I said i'll go out with my friends and he and our daughter go to the party. My friends dont live local and I dont see them often so if he goes to the party with our daughter and stays over at his parents i'll have the house to myself and everyone can stay.
He agreed but from the get go has complained about this. "I'll have a crap night because I wont be able to drink, i'll have to leave early", "why dont you want to spend your birthday with me" etc etc. On the night of the party my daughter apparently cried all night and clung to him, he couldnt chat to people, had to leave early and go to bed on his own. He says he essentially "couldnt celebrate Amanda's birthday with her" and its my fault. I saw my partners dad earlier that day and he didnt wish me happy birthday, nor did his mum text me which she usually would. I text her to say thankyou for my presents and she didnt reply. I get the sense that everyone is pissed off with me. Am I the asshole for wanting a night out on my birthday?