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submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by dingus@lemmy.world to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.ca

Apologies for any issues...I can delete upon request. Lemmy doesn't necessarily have a ton of communities with a lot of users so I chose this one.

I had a lot of "tantrums" as a child significantly older than that of toddler age. They weren't because I didn't "get my way" or something. They were often due to frustration...especially if I felt wronged by one of my siblings and they did not get in trouble for "wronging" me. I would scream and cry for prolonged periods of time.

The internet tells me that this isn't exactly normal and generally indicates "neurodivergence" like ADHD or autism. I do not exhibit any signs of these. I seem to be "neurotypical", no matter how thoroughly I research ADHD and autism. So what gives?

My siblings did not throw "tantrums" like this. I would get in trouble as a child now and then for doing this. Yet getting in trouble didn't make the "tantrums" stop.

Now, as an adult, I realize that the name for this seems to be "emotional dysregulation". While I don't throw "tantrums" per se anymore, my stronger emotional reactions to unfairness at work has gotten me in trouble at work numerous times. This is a bit dangerous for my job stability.

So what causes this? Why am I different? Why do others not struggle with this? What causes my feelings to be out of proportion and invalid?

I have tried bringing up the phrase "emotional dysregulation" with therapists, but they seem to gloss over it in favor of trying to look at more "standard" things like anxiety and depression.

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[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago

Eh, it's hard to tell exactly because there's so much variance between brains, and their development at any given age.

The general trend of expanding information about it points towards or simply being about impulse control combined with inexperience.

The part of the brain that says "don't do that" grows and develops gradually. No way around that. But it's never "done". There's always going to be some degree of limitation to it, no matter how old you get.

When the person also has less experience with processing a given type of event, exerting conscious control over responses is harder because it's so damn new when you're young.

If you add in the hormonal fluctuations that eventually kick off, fatigue, added stressors, a sense of support for the emotions felt, etc, it's not surprising that even adults occasionally throw a tantrum. The more we feel like there can be a fair resolution, that we have some influence over events and their resolution, the easier it is to control our actions, no matter what we feel, but we still feel things.

I don't know you at all, so it's impossible to give any specific guesses as to what balance of things is inside you that gives you trouble with managing strong emotion. Even if I did know you, I'm not qualified to give a serious attempt at doing so. All I feel comfortable saying in that regard is that the people I've known that have experienced that kind of issue and were not neurodivergent to a degree that could count as a disorder, tend to have a background where their development was irregular.

Big events, consistent small interferences, anything from major injuries or family deaths all the way down to just having siblings that were a pain in the ass to a degree that they never had a chance to learn how to come down from stress. But something made them have delays in learning how to internally cope with their emotions. Sometimes it involves other aspects too.

[-] dumblederp@aussie.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I watched my dad have a 15 minute tantrum when I tried to help him get setup with a computer and internet. He's 68 but mostly he's just a fuck head.

this post was submitted on 01 May 2025
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