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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/New_Incident1837 on 2023-10-04 06:52:49.
I (30F) am married to (37M) wonderful husband. We have been married for 6 and half years and we don’t have any kids. Currently we are in a friend group with 3 other couples. I’m not going to name them so let’s say couple A, B and C. Couple A have 2 sons, couple B and C are currently pregnant.
Wife of couple A always thinks that when we visit them we should take care of their children as they need time to relax. And always hands her 2nd kids to me and 1st kid to my husband.
Couple B was always asking if we were okay after they reveal their pregnancy. They made us feel comfortable and they never talk about pregnancy. When they ask me to be the keeper for their baby gender and help them with the gender reveal party I was happy to help them.
When couple C fell pregnant they were showing that they were pregnant from the day 1. They shared their pregnancy news when they were 6 week pregnant. Now they are 14 weeks pregnant they want to do their gender reveal at the end of October and want me to do their gender reveal. And when they shared they are having twins yesterday and wants me keep it a secret till gender reveal. It hit hard made me emotional. And told my husband on the way home that they were having twins and I don’t want him to get startled at gender reveal day.
Let me explain why he might get startled at the party. We suffered many miscarriages throughout our 6.5 years of marriage. First one was on 2017 at 19 weeks, second on 2020 with twins at 8week and 14 weeks and third one on March of this year at 9 weeks. Last miscarriage happens day before the couple A’s 2nd son was born. We were quite devastated on losing our baby on March. We informed all our friends through text that we were miscarrying and we need some time to heal. Around that time couple B also fell pregnant and they were considerate about our feeling so they didn’t reveal their pregnancy and told us at the end of July. It was hard for us but we were happy for them.
Couple A and C have never considered our feeling only think about theirs. We went to visit couple A’s baby when it was 11 days old and she hand me her baby and disappear for 1 and half hour. It was hard but I hold him and cared for him. After coming home I cried holding my husband. She never ask us how we are feeling or we are okay. When she tells us to look after them we do that and never say anything to them. It is hard for us to took care of them cause we haven’t healed through our losses. We don’t say a thing and just look after their kids. Couple C is having worst pregnancy symptoms and always says that I am having hard time with this I don’t want you to have this types of symptoms when you get pregnant. She knows all my history.
Today I told couple C that I have told my husband that you guys were having twins and I need to consider his feeling. They were accusing me of ruing their surprise and I didn’t considered their feeling. Am I the asshole for telling my husband ?