I hate to say this but there are still interesting people on Reddit.

Im a 40m divorcee and I am absolutely out of my depth thinking about dating.

I have looked at the apps and sites and they never go anywhere for me. No matches or conversations that go no where.

I sort of think that meeting someone will happen when it happens, but I really miss that excitement of learning all about someone and talking all night.

Im also interested in meeting someone outside of my country, because Id love to experience something new, but that makes me look like a scammer.

Dating sites are there to make money off of desperation. Matches are intentionally superficial or completely off base. They won't give away a product that you are willing to pay for. Because then they lost two customers.

I never gave HER a dime but it was the platform I met my eventual wife on. However unless you're looking to meet other ladies, it's probably not the app for you.

The model necessitates that they restrict your access in crummy ways or they wouldn't be solvant. I met my partner on Hinge but I was paying to be able to reach people. Glad to be done with those apps.

Meetup.com

I know, I know, but really, it’s better than any actual dating app.

What differentiates a dating site from something like Lemmy? The secret matching algorithm?

I hate to be a downer, but...

Building,, running and maintaining a website isn't free. Building, running and maintaining a popular website is fucking expensive. Somebody's got to pay those bills.

As the saying goes, if it's free, you're not the customer, you're the product. Corollary, if it's not free, you still might be the product.

Furthermore, these days I would assume that 99.9% of profiles on a "free" dating site are scammers, or bots, or scammer bots, many of which are probably run by the people running the website.

And to double down on the downerism, subscription based dating sites/apps are financially motivated to keep you paying for as long as possible. They are not motivated to help you find a match, cancel your subscription, and live happily ever after.

In an attempt to not be a total downer jerk, my suggestion would be to find local meetup groups that interest you (even if just barely) and start going to those consistently.

That's how I met my spouse almost 14 years ago. We were both on the dating apps but not finding each other. Eventually we met through a meetup group that I ran, and after months of casually chatting occasionally at group meetings, sparks spontaneously started flying. 🤷

As someone who used them for over a decade before giving up, I can assure you that dating websites are a complete and utter waste of time. You can't even get a conversation started, let alone a date.

I highly recommend you do it the natural way: if you see someone you like, ask them out. You are a woman so this is extremely easy for you. Most men can't even say "hi" to a woman in public, because there are so many shitty men out there harassing women that the good guys don't even get a chance. So we're often afraid to say anything because we don't want women to assume that we're one of them.You don't have this problem, so ask away. You'd be surprised by how easily guys will say "yes".