Not that anyone really sought out my number or that I solicited one from someone I didn't know well, but when I was dating, rejection hotlines were popular.
I also saw mentioned once or twice that there was a special drink you could order that basically meant "help, I don't feel safe with this guy". Was/Is that widespread, too?
I think that's location dependent.
I've also read about hand signals and other covert ways of communicating. They might be worth trying in a desperate situation, but it seems unwise to rely on them except as a last resort.
The problem that I see with trying to create subtle but universal signals is that if everyone knows them, they're now just overt messages.
However, almost all of my dating has been (or at least started) online and I've never been the subject of a creepy guy's attention, so I can't speak with authority on the topic.
Yeah - I think that's the hand signal I read about. I'm glad the woman in question was able to get help.
The problem that I see with trying to create subtle but universal signals is that if everyone knows them, they’re now just overt messages.
Well I assumed it's a different drink in every bar. And advertised in the women's toilet.
edit: Sorry, bathroom
You're right. If they're doing it right, bars won't suggest "angel shots" any more, because abusers recognise that signal too. They'll have their own signals posted on the wall in the women's toilets. The simplest one I've seen is one of those remote doorbell thingies in one cubicle, the idea being you lock yourself in the cubicle, ring the bell, and don't open the door until the bouncer arrives.
That seems plausible.
Some bars will have that, typically it'll be on a poster in the ladies room.
I don't think there's a universal one, but each bar would have their own.
Angel shot was the common one I knew about.
It's the result of a (partly) dangerous society, but somehow so cool. I've never seen anything like it but then I don't go to the ladies' room. Hm. Have to ask my IRL friends.
Angel shot. It's widespread but not universal
I don't know who you are but I'll take your number.
That's like a thing you should only do if the guy has been really annoying
Nah man if that happened to me I’d die laughing.
How dare you make a joke like that on the 15 year anniversary of your death.
Speaking of that, I think an annoyingly persistent guy might keep calling the number, anyways.
On the one hand I agree, on the other this is sadly born from a safety issue - if there's even a 0.1% chance of the guy getting aggressive if you turn him down, I'd also rather give a fake number. And due to selection bias of "guys hitting on strangers" that number is probably higher in reality - realistically a high number of women has either had that exact experience or knows someone that did.
And really if this happened to me, while it'd be more disappointing then just getting a "nah not interested" immediately, I think I'd mainly be sad that someone felt unsafe enough around me to do that, even if it might have nothing to do with me in particular at all. It's not some kind of long leading on after all, and the reasons are understandable.
I long for a world where this just isn't necessary at all.
Edit: i kinda forgot that the op had the prank part, but honestly I'd probably just think she's a dick for giving me and apparently a lot of others some randos number lol - still you're right you should only do that if the guy deserves it for being an ass
As funny as it could be I wouldn't want to play any part in it. You don't know when someone is going to lash out.
I spent close to a year being stalked and harassed by another man, although for a different reason than what could happen here. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Being an ally shouldn't have to mean taking the bullet for someone else. We should be working together to create safety networks where no one has to be at risk or in harms way.
I mean there's different roles. Some people would take pride in being a lightning rod, some people actively enjoy it
In general, yes, the future we build should not depend on lightning rods. Self sacrifice (of time and/or personal risk) should not be expected of people. But I do think a little glorification is in order, because we live in the worst timeline
The dudes reaction to this is a great indicator of how good of a partner he'd be.
Nah don't throw your friends under the bus, just give them a fake number you memorize. For instance my favorites are a radio station from across the country and good ol' MIKE JONES 281 330 8004 (if they're not ~30-35, some people will recognize that one lol).
I tried my best, but I'm not sure I posses the social intelligence or emotional capacity to comprehend this scenario. No, no. It's fine. No need to explain, really.
Guy and Girl are good friends. The Guy allows the Girl to give out his phone number to other dudes who hit on the Girl when she isn't interested. When those other dudes call the number the Guy answers and explains that the Girl has been dead for 15 years. The other dudes are left confused because they just physically met the Girl and they are left thinking was that girl a ghost?
Thanks for the effort, I appreciate it. Now I understand the situation, I guess. I don't think I'll ever get the point though.
It is just an alternative way to let a dude down while having a good dark humor joke at the end to soften the blow to their ego.
Huh. Well, I certainly trust your assessment much more than my own. Thank you for taking the time to help me out with this. Still, it just goes to show that I'm constitutionally unable to understand these weird convoluted drama-games the rest of you seem to enjoy.
To better illustrate the difference in perspective, this is the kind of exchange I'd be able to comprehend:
"Would you be interested in getting to know each other better?"
"No, sorry."
"That's quite all right. My apologies for interrupting your evening."
You sound like a good person who understands healthy boundaries. Unfortunately there are lots of people who are not like that and would rather keep applying pressure when rejected.
Imagining this happening to me, I'm just kind of stuck with wondering how a guy who knows the story ended up with the supposedly ghost girls number. What's the deal there? That's weird right?
Life's little mysteries!
People tweeting stuff. We allow tweets from anyone.
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