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The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/KyleKKent on 2025-10-14 20:42:17+00:00.
HHH/Herbert’s Hundred Harem
“So! Do you have a name friend?” Herbert asks The Withering Groom even as a drone arrives with a large metal crate that has a door on the side. He pauses before walking in and there is an amused look on the Spiked Floric’s face.
“Brier of Thorns.” The Withered Groom says.
“And I am Herbert Jameson. Excuse me, I need to get some fighting clothes on.”
“Of course.” Brier says and Herbert walks into the miniature armoury. Ten minutes later he emerges and Brier starts laughing at the sight of him. “Really?”
“Yes really, with the nonsense I’m about to do there needs to be a proper warning.” Herbert says as he holds out the arms of his recoloured bright danger yellow uniform that has numerous warning signs in reflective material, the symbol for radioactivity, numerous warning about explosives, sniper fire and deadly animals, depressurization, potential Null Events and electrical discharge. Are all present and accounted for across his coat and hat.
“Are those symbols accurate?” Brier asks and smiles as Herbert pulls out an over the shoulder cannon with a massive barrel so large Herbert could stand in it, pointed right at the Floric as it starts to glow bright, bright green.
“What do you think?”
“Is that a GRASER?”
“YeP.” Herbert says and pops the P.
“I clearly came to the right place. Kudzu isn’t going to have half a good a time as this.”
“Oh trust me, my brother is as fine a host for a battle junkie as any man alive. I need this to keep pace.”
“Really?” The clearly interested and very pleased Brier asks.
•-•-•Scene Change•-•-• (Zalwore, Between Arcologies, Moving Fast)•-•-•
Kudzu ducks under the spinning snap kick that then teleports to shift things and try to sweep at his legs forcing him to dive and roll.
The disruption of his momentum is just enough for Harold’s true attack to land home as the anti-material pistol shots shatter two of his guns and cooks off the explosive ammo of the second one to launch them both apart. Before the smoke can clear they both race into the obstruction and take a swing at each other, but both dodge just in time, resulting in them only dispelling the cloud as they circle around for another pass.
•-•-•Scene Change•-•-• (Centris, Distant Wilds Embassy Landing Pad)•-•-•
“No doubt. So, how do you want to do this? I’d prefer if we could take this into orbit? Use the opposite sides of the orbital plates. You know, make sure we don’t kill a family if we miss our attacks.” Herbert asks.
“Or, we could simply not miss.” Brier says and Herberts eyes go up.
“Oh we’re going THAT far. Are you sure? That’s a level of trying that’s usually reserved for when I’m making absolutely sure something dies.” Herbert offers.
“If you kill me, I deserve it.”
“I don’t want to kill you. I want to be friends with the Floric and killing one of their Grooms sounds like a very, very bad idea.” Herbert says.
“If you kill me I deserve it. Now. Fire.” Brier orders.
“Okay then. Goodbye.” Herbert says. Then fires the enormous GRASER Cannon directly into Brier but the beam abruptly stops and while the Floric is silhouetted by the sheer power output, it never fades or burns. Then as the beam ends Brier is still standing there, his thorns now glowing a strange yellow colour and his previously dark eyes now burning with yellow fire. “Very nice!”
“Thank you.” Brier says as he clenches his enormous claws into fists to turn his arms into massive spiked clubs and he rushes forwards to try and reduce Herbert into a puddle of paste.
Herbert jumps upwards, deactivates part of his cannon’s safety and grips the cannon hard before firing it. The blowback of the GRASER is enough to send him rocketing upwards on a beam of sheer power and carries him up into the sky.
He cannot hold back the gleefully manic laugh as he works hard to keep the attack directly on target and then lets the beam fade and shifts himself in midair to adjust his grip again. Brier has taken the gap in the sheer attack to jump up to the level he’s now at and Herbert gives him a big smile.
“Having fun?” He asks and fires again directly into Brier’s face to be blasted backwards and away.
A thorn larger than his leg pierces the cannon and breaks directly through the firing mechanism before suddenly detonating and shattering the weapon. Herbert rides the largest chunk before jumping away from it. Luckily, or perhaps by design, Brier’s thorn didn’t destroy the emergency recal on the weapon and the shards of it vanish before they can fall on someone.
He tumbles through the air easily, feigning weakness to lure in his prey.
He senses Brier approach silently from behind, then as he reaches into his jacket for his weapon the Floric vanishes from behind him and reappears in front. Just as Herbert expected, Brier thought he’d turn.
“Oh.” Brier notes as Herbert presses his active caster gun between his eyes.
“Gotcha.” Herbert says as he pulls the trigger. Brier punches to the side and avoids the energy beam that lances through the sky. He then kicks to redirect himself in midair and Herbert activates a bracer on his left wrist to project a powerful, multilayered forcefield barrier in the shape of a massive hexagon. Brier’s attack breaks the shield instantly, but the impact is mostly dispelled.
Herbert is still sent downwards beyond his terminal velocity and he gathers Axiom to teleport even as he switches out the spent caster round.
Before he hits the ground he shifts and is now moving sideways above Brier. He blows the Floric a raspberry and laughs. “You growing roots?! Keep up!”
His feet make contact with the topmost level of a Spire and he jumps hard to increase his momentum. He laughs as Brier gives pursuit.
“I know you intend to use traps! I am no fool!”
“Who’s the greater fool? The person tricked or the person who sees it coming and is still got?” Herbert questions. “By the way! I can do THIS!”
He then pulls at and reinforces the stealth inherent to his family. Brier nearly stumbles and looks. His eyes narrow in Herbert’s direction, but he cannot focus upon him or find him.
“Very interesting.” The Withering Groom says. “THAT is very interesting.”
Then his eyes widen and he jackknifes backwards to avoid... something he cannot truly sense. The very tip of his nose begins to bleed as he twists away and focuses as much Axiom as he can grasp into his senses.
A trytite knife with Floric Blood upon it. A small child in danger warning colours that is so uninteresting he fades from view even as he looks right at him. His every sense screaming that there is nothing there. But his combat sense telling him that the smile from the boy is incredibly dangerous.
Then he is fully there, truly there.
“Very well done. I’ve been looking to test this for a while in an active fight. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Mind? I’m flattered. I’ve never seen this kind of stealth before.”
“I think that’s rather the point.”
“You know what I mean.” Brier says and Herbert pointedly taps his left side. Brier mimics the motion.
“Mirror.” Herbert says and Brier taps his right side instead. He then pulls out a small knife. Stainless steel with a whisper of khutha on it. A very subtle effect demanding it be ignored. It had been buried in his side to the grip.
“Very well played. I see what you mean by fighting like an assassin now.” Brier says turning the weapon over in his claw and then tossing the whisper thin knife back to Herbert.
“If I really wanted to hurt you I’d have used a poisoned one. But we’re playing nice.”
“Well done child. But it’s time for me to take initiative, or lose my credibility as a Withering Groom.”
“Is this the appropriate time to panic?” Herbert asks with a smile.
“You can. It won’t help.” Brier says before rushing forwards and pinning Herbert down in a single move before disrupting reflexive teleportations, phasing and any and every other Axiom technique Herbert can think of as he brings one of his enormous claws down to impale him.
Herbert, is a game little bastard though and sacrifices his coat to reveal low profile armour on underneath and barely avoids the swipe of claws.
“Booyaa!” Herbert calls out and Brier balls up the coat and completely covers it with his claws before it can detonate. The explosion is muffled and contained, only a puff of smoke and charred bits of ash remain when he opens his claws again.
Brier gives Herbert no room to get his balance back as he brings his claws down and is surprised as Herbert instead grabs onto the sides of the claws and pulls.
To absolutely no avail. Brier’s footclaws are grabbing onto the spire’s platform. Herbert gives it a few more yanks and puts his whole body into it.
“Come... on! Get flipped!” Herbert grunts and is then picked off the ground entirely as Brier simply raises his arm. Then catches a handful of crushed pepper and dirt right in the eyes. “Don’t rub!”
He rubs by sheer reflex and feels his eyes shred. He howls in rage and pain as he starts slashing towards Herbert who’s dodging hard, dipping into his stealth and vanishing.
“No no no! There was crushed glass in there! You need to calm down and let me heal you! I didn’t think you’d rub!”
“Why wouldn’t I rub!?”
“You were on top of everything! I figured I’d get you to flinch at most! I didn’t think I’d get you full in the eyes!”
“You were aiming for the eyes!” Brier protests as he resists the urge to slash and swipe as he fe...
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