submitted 1 year ago by elfpie@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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Transcript here, but I really recommend watching the video: https://youtubetranscript.com/?v=gsW3VsraJqo [search for "Applause" to skip add]

Brief definition here: https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Amatonormativity

Being single shouldn’t be seen as some non-conformist statement

The focus of the video is on aromantics, but it is about societal expectations regarding relationships and how the goal is to live in a life long monogamous relationship.

The nice thing when watching videos for the second time before posting here is realizing all the connections my brain has formed in the background after so much time. It hadn’t occurred to me that, although I feel immune to the pressures at large to be in a relationship, I have actually entered romantic relationships because of how they would have deteriorated (or so I thought) without me accepting the transitions from friendships.

Amatonormativity can ruin it for everyone. You might be monogamous and totally happy, but putting a barrier between you and others that are close because the forms of intimacy we are led to believe to exist or to be okay are limited.

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[-] Duchess@yiffit.net 16 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

i know absolutely that i personally couldn't do a poly relationship. i'd be confused, upset, and unable to adapt to that kind of situation. that being said, i wish my poly friends no ill will and hope to see a world in with they'd be able to get married if they so choose. same goes for people who have no desire to be in a romantic relationship.

[-] LucyLastic@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

I tried wholeheartedly being in a poly relationship, the biggest problem for me was lack of time to develop a deep relationship. Now I'm happily monogamous and I still feel like I don't have enough time for my partner

[-] Duchess@yiffit.net 1 points 1 year ago

I understand exactly what you mean. I'm in an ldr and have been for a long time. We've met up twice for extended periods of time and are working towards a visa now but it's very hard being apart.

[-] LucyLastic@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago

That sounds like a really hard way to be living! Is there an end in sight?

[-] Duchess@yiffit.net 2 points 1 year ago

We're both saving like mad for a visa and legal advice right now but we at least know how much it's going to cost.

[-] LucyLastic@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago

So there's a solution in sight! Keep at it, I know these things move at a galacial pace but the wait will be worth it!

(me and my partner had to wait while she secured citizenship before we could move to another country together, it has been hard but so worth it)

[-] Duchess@yiffit.net 2 points 1 year ago

yeah, tbh i've been handling it worse than them. i'm the clingy, anxious type though so i have to keep reminding myself that every single day is progress.

[-] swnt@feddit.de 9 points 1 year ago

Thanks!! It's wonderful as I have now a word I can use to describe something I was struggling to succinctly name!

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago

Thanks for the link, I haven't read nearly enough aspec literature even though I am aro. Excited to watch through this after work and come back and provide my thoughts.

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 1 points 1 year ago

Took me a few days to find time to watch this. It's not quite as a deep a dive as I was hoping, which is perhaps unsurprising given that the person giving the talk is allo. I'm not sure I really learned anything, but there was some nice framing that I might use to help other allos understand in the future.

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