I’ve known this woman since we were 15, we’re both 28 now.

Since 2022 we work togheter. Some time ago, she seduced me, again, even though she’s engaged and has kids. But let me explain..:

From 15 to 28, she always seemed interested in me, but never showed it clearly or consistently. I’d message her, she often wouldn’t reply, or sometimes ghost me, but whenever we met in person, like when we’d go for a drive, togheter for homework, motorcycle ride (common in our circle about 10 years ago), she was always physically close, very attentive. Still, she always had this boyfriend.

This is personal but I do suspect that she was looking for someone that could be a good provider for her and her kids, someone who could help her with her inheritance, and someone who is socially skilled to do that. I'm not that person, infact, I'm a sports guy, with more "nature" approach to life, and I don't like to "manipulate" people to get more networking or have goals to be a millionaire.

Fast forward: 1 year ago, I’ve gone through major self-improvement, mostly in looks but also habits, and she had a crush on me. She compliments me daily at work, praises my lifestyle, while publicly complaining about her LTR "going wrong". I've also heard she was getting upset with her BF at the phone, while she was at work. Those we're all signals to let me understand "hey, i'm open and I'm doing this because I need you getting to talk to me, I'm attracted to you", but I never talked to her directly about this, since I was expecting a mature person would actually tell me this directly, without doing those manipulative stuff.

Also, at that same time, she was trying for another child with her current BF, and after she got pregnant, she avoided me, but still sought attention. Then, once her baby was born, she poured all her affection into the child, finding again “the love of her life.” The baby seemed to strengthen her bond with her fiancé, they looked united, as if the child had “fixed” them. Yet, she returned to her hot-and-cold behavior toward me.

Now, seeing her daily at work, I still think about he and try to make sense of those years.

Is her relationship driven by choice, or something like an arranged match approved by her father/family (so she's afraid of leaving her current BF because of all the things she have in place, kids, social, financial, work, etc, not only for her, but also because She cannot stand going indipendent and mature, with a personal choice, but actually accepting her family choice??

She seems unstable, maybe even manipulative or struggling with BPD traits. I just think she sees her fiancé as a safe provider for her and the kids, and it's attracted to me for some other reasons..

What I'd like to do is actually understanding why she didn't talk with me about her feelings, just talking about it, instead of doing all of this "underground" thing. Also, at this point, after I know the truth, I just want to stop thinking about her, about what she does and why, (it will be difficult since we work togheter) and understand why she still occupies my mind, and why I'm attracted to her other than her looks.

To close, I would like to say that this girl has all the qualities to be a good woman, a good family, but obviously no one is perfect, and she simply might have a father who is too "decision-making" about her life, and she is not able to take charge of choosing for herself, but is afraid to do so.

PS: Just to cite something, I call it the motorcycle test. Some women held the back handles, others held on to me. This woman was the only one to held on back handles. She always been kinda shy and intimidated at times.

TL;DR:

I’ve known her since we were 15. Over the years, she’s shown interest but never clarity, always in a relationship, often distant online, yet affectionate in person. Now we work together, and after I improved myself, she reignited the tension between us, despite being engaged with kids. I suspect she’s torn between emotional attraction and practical security. What confuses me most isn’t her choices, but why she never spoke honestly about her feelings. I’m trying to understand her motives and, more importantly, how to free my mind from someone who never truly chose me.