This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Engletroll on 2025-11-05 12:59:37+00:00.

Marcus Weiner entered the interrogation room, looking at the strange young man sitting in a chair, chained to the table. The man was muttering to himself. “No. It has to be a way, maybe him.. no, that leads to … then him?  No.. what about…  Sugat.. tamp Sagut..”

“Hey there, I’m Inspector Marcus Weiner.  And…” He looked at his file. “You are a mystery. The IDs we found on you are definitely stolen. So why don’t you start by telling me who you are?”

 “I’m Kalus Hamdecio, but you can call me Kalus. Not that it matters.”

“Yeah, I’m sure, Mr Hamdecio. You know why you were brought in, right?”

“Oh yes, I killed James Matthew Hain, I really did you guys a favor with that one. Do you know how many people that bastard will kill?” the man replied, and  Marcus looked at him, confused.

“He was five years old. You killed a kid. Why? For God's sake, why?”  Marcus said, and Kalus looked at him. His green eyes seemed manic, but the short black hair, slightly tanned skin, and casual suit almost made him look normal, except for the tattoos creeping over his arms and neck. He had seen the pictures of him without his clothes and knew the man was covered in these tattoos and scars from stabs, burns, and who knows what.

But from what he saw now, it was only those manic green eyes that hinted, that and his muttering.

“Because I know who he would grow up to be. Tell me, have you ever heard of a man named Adolf Hitler?”

“No, did you kill him too? How old was he when you killed him?”

Kalus smiled, “he was six. What about Lenin or Stalin?”

“Wait, are you confessing to murders of kids?”

“Yes, I did, and because of that, I stopped the war that would have devastated Europe in the 1930’s.”

“You don’t look that old. Look, so you claimed you stopped a war in the 1930s, what about the one from 1945 to 1960? You know the great one?”

Kalus sighted, because I didn’t understand the aftershock, then I thought it was just nightmares, but now.. now I know. I have stopped all the wars that came after.”

“So little James would have started a world war?” Marcus said and Kalus nodded.

“Yes, he would have grown up and become a communist leader who would take over the Southern States, he would have launched a war against Canada and the Northern United States. With his allies in the United Mexican states, they would manage to drive their forces north until the German union would come to rescue, and that's when he launches the nukes.”

“Little James launches nukes?” Marcus replied, and Kalus shook his head.\

“he won't be little then, he would be 58 years old, but if I wait, then he gets bodyguards, and it will become impossible to get close. Better to kill them as kids. A shot to the head and they die quickly. Save all of us from trouble.”

“Wait? You claim you’re a time traveler? Or do you see the future?” Marcus looked at the man, a confused expression on his face.

“I was born in 2247, and my father invented a time machine. So yes, I’m a time traveler. I travelled back to 1894 and killed Hitler as a kid in Austria, then I went to Russia and got both Lenin and Stalin.  Then I went to Italy and got Mussolini. My plan was to lie low until I caught up on time. Hell, I thought I would die of old age, but I was okay with that. I mean, I saved the Jews and gypsies from the Holocaust. Or so I thought.”

“Wait, the who? What are you talking about?”

“Yeah, that’s the problem, I didn’t know Hans Wolf would replace him.  Or that Hans would be far worse and win.”

“Serious? You are blaming yourself for that monster? You don’t even look old enough to have been born during that war.” Marcus replied

“A side effect of time travel. My body is stuck in time. I won't age; I will heal. Hell, I heal from anything, but I don’t age. I’m like one of those movie monsters.  Forced to live in this nightmare I have created. And still continue to prevent the end of the world.”

“Ahh, so you’re the good guy? Going around and killing dictators and monsters when they are little kids?”

“Yes, and as crazy as it might sound,” Kalus replied, and Marcus stood up.

“Well, I know what you’re going for, an insanity plea. I don’t think it will work. They don’t like child murders here."

He walked out and looked as if his partner had come out from the side room. “Have you heard something so stupid?”

“Yeah, crazy, right? Want me to check up on those names he dropped?”

“Are you crazy? It will take months. They will have to dig through mountains of archives just to find out if a kid dies in Austria, in what? 1804? That’s 131 years ago. You think they have time to do that? On the hunch that this guy is a time traveler?”

“Yeah, you're right. It just would be interesting to know.”

“Oh, Thomas, you like those novels too much. Time travel is just a fantasy.” Marcus looked at the guard and gave him a nod. “Bring him to the cell and keep him there. The judge can deal with him tomorrow.  Now, where is Ms Smith? I need her to type up the interview so I can write a report.” 

Thomas chuckled as he looked back at the room where the strange man was still chained to the table.

“Yeah, those lunatics? Always claiming the craziest things.”