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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Disastrous_Class_561 on 2023-07-22 14:41:02.

Throwaway account. This happened 6 months ago, but I am legitimately curious to see if I am the AH. I (36M) got married 6 years ago to my wife. My wife’s family is not well-off like mine. When we announced our engagement, my parents gifted us 20k out of the blue for the wedding. We were shocked and so thankful. The money paid for my wife’s dress, my/her siblings wedding party outfits and makeup, and the venue/food. We managed to have a small, beautiful wedding and even had 3k left for the honeymoon. I am beyond thankful for that money and know that we would not have had our wedding without it. Plus, being able to pay for her family’s outfits and makeup really helped lessen their financial burden.

Here is where I need to ask if I am the AH. My sister is getting married and I just happened to be at my parent’s house and got into wedding-talk. My sister was going on and on about all the plans. I come to find that my parents agreed to shell out 35k for the venue and cut her another check for an additional 20k for other expenses. My sister and her fiancé are both doctors. These expenses were outrageous to me because I have been married and know it can be done significantly cheaper. I went to my mom and asked why she allowed my sister to pick such an expensive venue and there was time to find another one. We made our wedding work off 20k, how can she excuse my sister’s being 3x the cost? My parents are retired and in their late 60/early 70s. She told me that my sister’s future husband’s family were high-class people and have certain expectations. I asked what that meant and she said that they couldn’t be expected to have such a meager budget like my wedding was.

I was floored. I asked her if she thought 20k was a “meager budget” and what did that say about what she thought of my wife and her family. My mom said I was making a big deal out of nothing. A woman’s family pays for the wedding, my sister was just having an expensive wedding and it is none of my business. I agree that it is their money and they should spend how they want, but that high-class and meager budget comment has been eating at me since. It seems to me like my mom is saying that my wife was lucky to get a wedding because her family is not well-off. I haven’t mentioned this to my wife because she does have insecurities about how my parents feel about her and it might hurt her. Am I the AH here for calling out my parents on how much they are spending on my sister’s wedding?