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The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Lakeel100 on 2025-12-09 23:46:17+00:00.
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—
Movva peered curiously through the door to her ship’s guest room. It was a cabin like any other, with light-grey metal walls, a bed, a window, a little kitchen area, a bathroom… The necessities. But since this was a guest room, it was also slightly nicer than the ones the crew usually got; it had a rug! It also had a lone Tobby unpacking his overpacked luggage. There was one very VERY important question that inquiring minds wished to know..and she was going to ask it “Soooooo… you two totally fucked, right?”
‘Mrrp!?’ He expectantly made a startled trill and stopped mid-pulling out a shirt to snap his head towards her. “Who starts a conversation like that!?”
Movva quickly slipped into the room and closed the door behind her. “Mmmmme~” she answered with her back to the door frame, and her tongue poking out a little. To borrow one of the many human adages she’d picked up on the job, the pink ambassador wanted ALL! THAT! TEA!! Tobby was her favorite virgin after all, briefly her second favorite thanks to Jek, but she’d already remedied that. She was as invested in team Tobby as the average human was in their local football team. Zero wins and going strong! Airhorns galore! “C’mooon, there’s no way she wasn’t all over you after showing her the duality of Tobreal Centorni~”
“I don't have a duality,” Tobby grumbled, pulling the rest of his tightly folded clothes out onto the bedspread. “And NO! Nothing like that happened.”
Movva squinted, scanning Tobby for one of his countless tells to see if he was lying, and... nothing. “Boo,” she pouted, folding her arms, and her ears lying sideways in disappointment. “Is she just an ungrateful prude or-”
She paused when Tobby stopped unpacking again to glare at her wordlessly. Kitten was not happy with that dialog tree. Let's try something else.
Time to do what she did best, after sex… and violence… And a few other things. Flop on the nearest couch and lazily probe into Tobby’s private life! Put that one psychology class she took to work! Real ambassador stuff!
The guest room also had a pair of small couches around a coffee table she’d bought off a human smuggler, made with real cloned Mahogany~. She easily wrote those off as a business expense because it really ‘set the atmosphere’ for wining and dining political guests. Fumpf! She flopped, ready to get down to business as she put on that casual air. “So you're telling me… You got her, Mrs Kitta’s priceless pre-contact astro-emerald dress.”
Tobby kept unpacking but nodded. Packing his mom clearly did for him, ‘cause there were more spare clothes than colors on Xoso’s rainbow-striped dick! “Yep.”
“Resized it for her, meaning you got some paws-on measurements.” She counted off on a second claw.
“Mmmhmm..”
“Bodyguarded her at an international crime convention.”
“Pretty much...”
“Let her steal your food and got her more when you ran out.”
“You stole my imitation crab, too…” He mumbled, finally getting to pulling out his pants.
“Got her on the dancefloor and tangoed with her so close your whiskers could get tangled.”
“I have no idea what ‘tango’ means…” He commented, pulling out a human sub-machine gun of some sort from the bag, inspecting it, and laying it on the bed next to his clothes
“You taunted her into leading, and when she did, she was ALL up on you with ‘fuck me’ eyes.”
“Pretty sure she was just mad because I wouldn't stop goading her.”
“That’s ‘cause you’re a sub Tobby…”
“Mrrp!?” he trilled, tensing like he was accused of something.
“At least until what's his face crashed that super intense moment you were having and totally tongue-blocked the lick your nose was about to get. At which point the switch justifiably flipped, and dark-side Tobby came out swinging.”
“She wasn’t going to lick me, she was just mad… And excited… And please don't say ‘dark side’ like I’m a Star-Claws character.”
“Tobby.” She stated flatly, lying on her side and propping her head up in her hand. “You went from nervous bean to psychotic organ harvester the instant he threatened her.”
“He was going to swing on her, Pinky!” He said defensively, turning to face Movva. “My only job at this event was to keep her away from him. And I'm pretty sure at this point he was setting up to frame her as the attacker!”
Movva continued counting off on her fingers. “You also threatened his life right to his father’s face. Which is why you’re sleeping on my ship for the rest of the Sabu-kai.”
“I... may have gone a little too far there,” he shrank.
“Not far enough, given how hot n’ bothered she seemed by angry Tobby.” She nodded self-assuredly. “Never before had my hopes that you’d finally get some been higher than when I saw her checking you out as you threatened that guy.”
“She was not!” It was starting to smell like denial up in here.
“Oh, correction! Never before were my hopes higher than that moment, until you texted me about the surprise trunk of ice cream you ordered for her.”
“The ice cream wasn’t that big a deal, I told her Mom taught me how to dance with dairy-based bribery. And I meant it. How could I look her in the eyes, having not followed through on that?”
“Like you're doing me… right now… like you're sorry for somehow not rescuing someone's pet spood from a tree fast enough.”
“But…” He had a finger raised like he wanted to make a point, but faltered.
“BUT, you’re telling me that after ALL that, with only a single bed in your hotel room serving one of the greatest porn plot scenarios ever written, she DIDN'T give tiger his first cave?”
There was a long pause from Tobby before he uttered a definitive “... Yes. We shared the bed in shifts since she has a different sleep schedule than I.”
Movva gave him a long, slow blink as she lay there on the couch. “One moment.” She said calmly, before turning her head, burying her face into a decorative couch pillow, and screaming.
T’was the muffled scream of the entire Team-Tobby fanbase having witnessed Tobby somehow reach the grand championships without a single win under his belt. He had the ball within 3 inches of the goal/touchdown/whatever and not a single opponent in his way. But at the last fucking moment, the ref threw a flag, the timer ran out, and there were parking tickets/divorce papers on all their cars…
“Pinky...?” She heard Tobby call out meekly, sounding worried.
This had to be a sick joke. The stars had fucking aligned for spirits' sake, and NOTHING?! Sure was glad he wasn't pants’ pissing afraid of night-kin anymore, but that only made the lack of any cosmic payoff even worse! Then a thought struck Movva… like a bell. Her head sprang up from the pillow. “I’m gonna kick her ass.”
“Wh-what?” Tobby stammered, confused.
She sat up the rest of the way, scowling. “I’m gonna kick her ass!”
“WHAT!? Nonononononoo!” He dashed over to try and physically stop her, but it was too late. He may be a bit stronger than she remembered, but it paled in comparison to the strength of Pinky’s divine justice!
She didn't care how comical Tobby being dragged along the metal floor looked as he clung to her ankles. She was taking one powerful step at a time towards the other guest room where the OFFENDER now resided. Any of her crew who entered the hallway and saw the scene may have giggled or laughed at first, but as soon as they saw the state the captain/ambassador was in, they promptly fled. “Going.. To!.. Kick!.. Her!.. Ass!!” She threatened between huffs.
This had to be HER fault. Movva refused to believe Tobby had so little game as to fuck up the perfect romantic storm! Soapy had to be manipulating him; you don’t get everything Tobby did for her, react as positively as she did, and NOT pay out at the grand finale unless you were just using him!
—
Meanwhile… 12 hours earlier…
Cue Tobby and Soapy sitting cross-legged on the bed in a pair of those plush hotel bathrobes, surrounded by empty ice cream containers, and watching yee-olde massive TV. The door was blocked with a decorative dresser and a flower pot precariously balanced on the ledge in case anyone tried to break in. The balcony curtains were drawn in case of snipers, and the TV was on the second greatest show ever conceived. ‘Kingdom of The Spoods’
Originally intended for kittens, it quickly evolved into a full-blown historical docu-drama series for adults when they realized just how much sex, drugs, and violence history actually contained. The premise was simple: Use the spood’s capacity for mimicry to make them re-enact historical events in miniature while a narrator describes the events. Splash in some cut-aways to Zarmian archeology sites, museums, and ‘experts,’ and you get something that contends with bap-tal season finals for second most popular show on Salafor.
“We so aren't doing everyone's wild assumptions any favors, are we?” Soapy commented, dipping her yay big spoon into the ‘chocolate trinity’ tub she had between her legs. Her eyes still focused on a toga-wearing spood gesticulating before a little stone podium, making an impassioned speech when it suddenly caught an arrow through one of its many tendril legs. **[No spoo...
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