This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/ImpossibleHandle4 on 2025-12-11 05:31:08+00:00.

It all started on a small outpost near the border with earth. We had been observing the humans for millennia, we had sent probes closer to get a better look at what they were doing, and found that aside from some bad political choices, not much had changed with them.

It was a normal Tuesday when it happened. I was at the control center for the small craft that we were using to “observe”. Things were going normally, I was getting my morning stimulant drink, and then it happened. There was a ripple that I saw out of the corner of my eye, and then a human stepped out.

I stared at it for a few moments, then it said in its language, “huh cool, it actually worked. I thought the dude was full of crap, but it actually worked.”

We had no protocol for first contact, much less a protocol for humans materializing into our craft. I screamed out for the doctor and the security officer.

The doctor took the human and started scanning him. “Nothing remarkable.” He said.

The security officer came up and put a chair in front of the human.

“So tell me human, how the hell did you get here?” He asked in his best human language.

“I bought the plans off of the internet from the guy who claimed that he could reach into another dimension and grab things, and that was how he got rich. I didn’t think it would actually work.” The human said.

“What plans and what are you talking about?” The security officer asked.

“I bought the plans for the dimensional portal, I thought it was junk so I did some math and then sized it up to fit all of me.” The human said.

“So you created a dimensional portal and then just appeared on our craft?” The security officer asked sounding incredulous.

“Yep, I don’t even really know where here is. If I am honest.” he said. “ You guys at least speak my language, so I am hoping you can get me home.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” The security officer said in their native language.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“He built some thing in his garage that he used to effectively teleport here. They shouldn’t even have access to that level of mathematic function, much less the ability to make a functional prototype.” He huffed. “I don’t think he even realizes what he has done. “

“So how do we get him home? Just do what we do when we do an examination and steal his prototype?” I asked.

“That sounds good to me.” the security officer said.

We held him for a few hours asking him about the math. He explained that he had just sized up the math for a portal his size, and then figured the mass difference and then added that to the power needs.

When we got to his home, we gave him the standard amnestics, and planted a story that his microwave had shorted out in his garage. We took a copy of the plans, and then left for the home world. We had avoided a major incident, but we were not sure how long that would last………