This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/KyleKKent on 2025-12-16 23:35:08+00:00.
(Parallel parking lessons midwinter. Yay. Also next one is Sunday if nothing goes wrong.)
Preparation H
An unassuming woman walks into the bank with a tiny, adorable child in tow. He looks shy and nervous and is all but hiding behind her.
“Hello madam, I am free if you care.”
“Oh thank you. I am here to teach my little brother the basics of banking and was hoping one of you could give him a walk through, maybe help him open a child account?” She asks and the Tret woman gives a slight wink. The Teller simply smiles in return.
“Of course! I’d be happy to help and show your little brother the way through. Now first, we need your name and that of your little brother.”
“Of course. I’m Marigold Mellows, this is Marius Mellows.”
“Oh matching names?” The Teller asks.
“We share a birthday!” Marius says before ducking behind her.
“He’s trying to be bold.” Marigold says with a smile.
“Well he’s doing a very good job. Now...” The Teller begins, unable to see the figure clearly, obviously and openly slinking through the blindspots of the cameras despite the location in question being completely open.
Harold for his part is having a wonderful time and it’s all he can do to NOT sing Secret Agent Man or beatbox the Mission Impossible Theme as he openly, obviously yet flawlessly sneaks through the bank. The silliness of the situation is already making this very hard on Herbert and Harriett and he doesn’t want to push his luck too far.
As Harriett and Herbert openly draw attention and give the otherwise slow day in the bank a point of focus. Harold is bugging the desks, slipping little tracking fobs in purses and pockets and waits until one of the ladies goes up to head to the bathroom to put a slight backdoor into the system that will spread to the closed circuit of the bank.
It takes roughly half an hour to do so and as Marigold leads the still timid little Marius out of the bank’s glass doors he theatrically takes a step in the wrong direction and bumps his head ever so. Drawing plenty of attention as he tries to be tough and is quickly carried out by his big sister.
“Alright. Time to wait and see.” Herbert notes once they’re all in the civilian looking vehicle with Harold already in the back seat with Denise.
“And see we shall. Time for the boring part. Tell me, do you pay attention to every little thing or just gather the information and run it through algorithms later?”
“Depends on the scene. At the moment we know that one of the bank workers is potentially intending to pick up that Axiom Ride Disk. If we can’t get anything today then we’ll stir the pot by sending you in tomorrow to cash in the Axiom Ride Disk.”
“The one you gave me or...”
“The marked one.”
“Wait. So I’m potentially earning double on this job?” Denise asks.
“Are you complaining?”
“Not in the slightest. Just... surprised.”
“We’ve found, through some trial and error mind you, that it’s actually cheaper to deliberately overpay out the gate then deal with all the potential issues that underpaying may bring. So yes, hopefully you can find it somewhere in your poor abused little heart to forgive us for showering you in riches so long as you cooperate.” Herbert says in a tone so dry that Harold chuckles. “Don’t you say it...”
“He has been nearly kidnapped to be used as ‘compensation’ more than once.”
“Okay smartass, that was deliberate, we were testing the character of several women.”
“Testing to see if they would be really loyal without much cash to pay for it.” Harold remarks.
“You have memories of that time too, as far as I’m concerned you did it too.”
“And as far as I’m concerned my actual memories start when I woke up gasping in cloning fluid with a sword in my lap. Everything else is you.” Harold remarks and just gets a raspberry blown at him.
“Is there an off button?” Denise asks.
“Yes, but that just makes things scary.” Herbert says.
“Right. Okay then. Because that makes sense.” Denise remarks before a small green light starts flashing. “We have a hit.”
“Already? That was quick.” Harold remarks.
“I told you, running for detecting Ganthor Liir would be the fastest way to find our dropper.” Harriett says.
“Potential dropper, Ganthor Liir is an entire, official, language. It’s not illegal, or even technically suspicious to know it or speak in it.” Harold remarks.
“Maybe, but it’s a potential lead.” Harriett says.
“I never said it wasn’t but we have to remember that it’s just potential. Not guaranteed. We throw guilt at people before we know for sure and we not only hurt the innocent but we let the guilty escape.” Harold says.
“We’re not idiots. We know.”
“It’s one of those things that if you make the mistake once it’s one time too many. So it bares reminding.” Harold says. “Now the translation is coming in... it’s an old nursery rhyme. Translates like a brick to the face, but she’s singing to herself about the sound of rain on leaves being a lullaby.”
“Not quite what we’re looking for. She only knows the language.” Harriett notes.
“So we’re at the waiting period?” Denise asks.
“Yep.”
“Fine. Drop me off at my Shoren Spire Safehouse. I need to clean up after what you fools did.” Denise says.
“I’ll help. I want to have a bit of a talk anyways.” Herbert says.
“Uh...”
“You’re allowed to say no.”
“Then not only no. But fuck no.” Denise states.
“Fine. Then before we get there, can you answer a few questions.”
“Why was I not asked these questions previously?”
“They’re not relevant to the investigation, but I’m curious and willing to pay with assistance in order to get them answered.” Herbert says.
“What are the questions?”
“Just general business and professionalism things for mercenaries in your circles.”
“Such as?”
“How and where do you get work? Where do we have to contact someone for a spy exclusively? We know where to get thugs, bounty hunters and general mercs, but you’re a data gathering specialist. Do you keep your eyes open on who needs help in the Centris area and contact them?”
“Sometimes. Mostly the girls starting out and without a proper reputation do that. Until they have some kind of record or infamy then they need to sell themselves to potential employers.”
“So you were requested specifically for the job?”
“I was. It was through the normal channels. I have a drop box where people exclusively send in meetup times to discuss contracts and that’s what led me to Miss Dunt.”
“Got it. But where would a person unfamiliar with the mercenary scene begin to look for someone like you?”
“I’ll tell you when you drop me off, I’ll give you the address and password. But only when I’m at my safehouse.” Denise says.
“Deal.” Harold says.
•-•-•Scene Change•-•-• (Denise’s Safehouse, Shoren Spire, Centris)•-•-•
“Well, worse than I hoped, better than I feared.” Denise says as she examines the hacked door and looks over the partially raided safehouse and find that a great many of her weapons, spying devices and personal effects that she could conceivably hide further devices in all piled on the kitchen table and counters.
“Yeah, sorry about the mess. We were...” Harold begins.
“Save it. Go down four levels, look for the brown door between The Tipsy Mollusk on fiftieth street and Granny Cat’s Catering. Go inside, down the stairs and knock on the door. When they ask who you are, give your name and then threaten to slag the door with a weapon out when they ask for a password.”
“The password is a threat?”
“Yes.” Denise answers.
“Fun. Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it. Especially if you’re going in there to fuck with girls.”
“I’m not, my first impulse is to throw bribes and funny stories around. ... If violence is off the table of course. I love a good fight.”
“Just try to leave the place standing, the bargirl is one of the only women on the spire that actually understands the subtle nuances of a Twisted Twin properly mixed.” Denise explains.
“Got it. Now remember to keep your communicator on. We may need you tomorrow.” Harold says.
“If you think I’m going to turn off my communicator when a hundred thousand is on the line for keeping it on then you really, really don’t understand what a mercenary actually is.” She says.
“Fantastic. Have a good day Denise.”
“Try not to cut your dick off Harold.”
“Oh hostile!”
“Bah, just tired of you.” Denise says with a wave of her hand. “... Fuck it, I’m ordering out, taking a nap and then doing something about this.”
•-•-•Scene Change•-•-• (The Tipsy Mollusk, Shoren Spire, Centris)•-•-•
“Like right out of a cartoon.” Herbert notes as they pass under the neon sign of a massive clam slamming back a drink of something. “Granted grapejuice probably has twice the kick of that stuff.”
“Which means we can use you’re pint size in a pint drinking contest.” Harriett teases.
“What at my size? I don’t think I can even fit that much fluid in my stomach at once.” Herbert remarks as Harold opens the brown door for them both and they’re immediately on a large landing that would support a Cannidor with ease. A bit small for a Lydris though.
They head down and cross the dark hallway before banging on the door.
“Who is it?”
“Harold, Herbert and Harriett.” Harold says.
“What’s the password?” She asks and Harold pulls out a plasma pistol and primes it.
“Let me the fuck in or I slag the door. There’s your fucking password.” He answers and there is the sound of a bar being shifted. The door opens and a woman leans out f...
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1poh8di/oocs_into_a_wider_galaxy_part_537/