This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/KyleKKent on 2025-12-17 22:15:56+00:00.
Preparation H
“We’re gonna need to take a look at their scanning equipment afterwards and...” Harriett notes before there’s a sigh from The Bouncer.
“There’s nothing special about it. The hallway leading in is lined with sensors on all sides and it dinged three people with acid in their guts. Meaning human.”
“Oh, hunh... most of the sensors must be covered in trytite.”
“A bit of foil and most machines and defences go completely invisible to most senses. And if the person can sense the siphon and other required gaps... you can still screw them over by stacking something else on it. We’ve got water heaters and other infrastructure junk so close they share siphons.”
“Clever.” Harold states.
“We don’t stay in this business by being stupid. And with the dozen or so mercenary sororities bouncing around the spires that think of themselves as mistresses of poison we need to know who’s bringing what into our happy little home.” The Bouncer concludes. “Just head back there and ask for Giggles. Also keep the short one away from tiny town, they’re going to eat him alive.”
“Funny.” Herbert says as he eyes the little tripple decker area where Gohbs, Kohbs, Metaks and other shorter species are all dashing around, talking and occasionally dashing out of to grab more drinks, snacks or to catch a small brawl that had broken out at the top level and the Kohb girls who had been trying to bite each other’s face off tumble off the side to be caught and catch themselves in turn.
Like a switch being thrown the two dark red and mottled purple Kohbs apparently decide that they’re now best friends after trying to eat each other and head back up to the top level to quickly set up their table and chairs again. Laughing.
“So any advice with Giggles? Any words or subjects to avoid to keep the peace?” Harriett asks.
“Oh don’t worry, she’s sweeter than her name.” The Bouncer says and Herbert snorts. She crouches down to his level. “And what’s that about tiny?”
“Oh nothing! Don’t worry.” Herbert says before walking ahead with Harriett then Harold following. If he wants to take the lead he can.
“Excuse me.” He notes as he steps just barely around the long leg of a Wimparas who has the long spiderlike leg change to her being. She glances at him. Looks twice in shock, then looks back and staggers back at the sight of Harold.
“Saint Redblade!” She squeaks.
“Yes? And?” Harold asks.
“What are you doing here?”
“I work for a living. I’m on the job.”
“Job?”
“Yeah, we’re in the gathering information stage.”
“Is Saint Bluelaser also on world? What about Blackstaff?”
“I don’t Blackstaff ever left his homeworld, and Bluelaser is doing the tourist thing. She’s built up too many vacation days to keep working.”
“But you haven’t?”
“I have, it was just interrupted with the latest bit of silliness and I go back to relaxing after solving the problem.” Harold remarks before rolling his shoulders.
“Is this your eldest child?” The Wimparas asks.
“Actually I’m his clone. I’m the most physically developed of the mass Jameson Clones.” Harold says.
“He’s right, he’s a copy of me. Everything he’s done is something I can do to.”
“Except look this good.” Harold taunts him running a hand through his hair. There is a flash of movement and a burst of plasma crashes into his face, shatters and then highlights his own looks in a corona of blue fire. “See?”
“Shooting someone is supposed to tell them to stop, not encourage them.” Herbert says with a grin as The Wimparas looks back and forth and most of the bar is looking at them now.
“But brother, I love to fight. Which reminds me we need to wrap this up soon. We have a spar with Alpha and Omega to get to after all.”
“True.” Herbert says. “So. Spare the drama we need to talk and get everything moving.”
“Why in the actual fuck was there weapon’s fire in the bar?” A deep voice asks and an enormous Bull Cannidor with a massive scar across his muzzle says leaning out of a back door.
“Just making a point to my brother. He’s effectively immune to plasma at this level. So it’s less than throwing something at him.” Herbert says.
“Well knock it off!” The massive Cannidor says and then slams the door.
“They want to talk to Giggles!” The Bouncer calls over and the door opens again. Showing the massive Cannidor looking annoyed.
“Really?” He asks.
“Really.”
“Damnit. Hey Mom!”
“Excuse us.” Harold says as they pick they’re way through the crowd as people start talking and Harriett starts feeling deeply, deeply annoyed, the door closes behind them and she sighs.
“Don’t like being seen?” Harold asks her.
“Not at all.”
“Imagine being a celebrity. It gets worse.” He say and she growls at him.
“... Are you all human?” The Cannidor asks.
“We are.”
“Great. Because the poison sucking chaos demons only bring good things.”
“To be fair we’ve helped a lot of people.”
“Yeah? That’s what you call conquering entire worlds?” He asks.
“It is.”
“Right.” He mutters. “So what happened?”
“What do you mean what happened?”
“We weren’t-”
“Rexxen.” A voice in the back says and the massive Cannidor goes quiet. He opens a door and nods them through. In the office is an Albino Ikiya’Ta going over files and she gestures for them to stand in front of her. They file in calmly. She’s even shorter than average and only glances at them over the data-slate. But the moment Herbert opens his mouth to speak she puts it down and clasps her hands. “Alright humans. I don’t have much time so I’m going to skip all the nonsense and running around that would normally be done. Especially seeing as how what’s bothering me seems to be bothering you.”
“So you’re aware of the mercenary sent to spy on us that frequents this bar?”
“All the in the know girls of Centris know about it by now. You did some good work finding and repelling her, but that leads us all to a problem. You see, our entire organization and way of life trades off of reputation and skill. You did good. You did very good. But you’re not ours. You’re obviously not ours so you doing good is bad for us. A lot of potential recruits into the life are signing up Undaunted instead and while that could have been regarded by some as an insult it was one we could let slide. But now that we’ve come into direct opposition we can no longer let the unintentional slight slide and we have issues.”
“Funny that we have to come looking for answers for these kind of diplomatic outreaches to be made manifest.” Harold remarks.
“It’s because we’re still talking about what to do and more than a few girls with more rockets than brain-cells are slowing us down by suggesting plans of attack on a popular military organization. Not that it’s that hard for them when you’ve got a whackload of Endless Barrages but let’s not tweak whiskers about that. The point is you’re here with us now. So we need to talk about how we’re going to solve this.”
“I wasn’t aware that the mercenary groups were so interconnected.” Harriett states
“You really don’t get it do ya? We’re not. But it doesn’t matter. Because it’s not about the fact that Eversly was an independent contractor. It’s not about the fact that you all are cream of the crop among The Undaunted or whatever the actual details of the case are. What matters is how the customers see things. If they see that one of the best mercs on Centris can not only be beat at her own game, but by a group that sending a sob story too will give good odds of seeing things work out for you in the way of free protection. Then our business goes down the pipes.”
“I assume this is the point where you try to spin it as our problem?” Harold asks.
“And what makes you think it isn’t?”
“Because we’re a fucking customer too. We always have been. Our contracts are shorter than a blink in standard galactic terms.” Harold says. “What have you girls been doing that you can’t spin the rumour mill hard enough to walk this?”
“We’re being actively spied on dumbass, by numerous parties. It’s the Centris life. Puts girls who can do the deep down discoveries on a pedestal, but everyone’s staring and when you kicked it out from under Denise we all have problems. Because girls like that are money makers.”
“Alright, but you still haven’t pointed out where it’s our problem.” Harold asks leaning forward. “We’re here for information. Nothing else. You can give it, be paid for it or we can take it. But we’re here for the information on who was poking for Denise’s contact info before she got the job to hit us. You know, the person that tried to fuck us over and in the process inadvertently fucked you?”
Giggles is quiet for a moment as she slowly reaches up and strokes her whiskers ever so slightly as she considers things. Then nods.
“You make a good point human.” She says before reaching into a desk drawer. “This is a Calliga Brand Data Chit. It was produced by mass in a factory over a thousand lightyears away from here. In a system I cannot name, by a line of mass production assembly lines overseen by a person I will never meet, and tested by more poor souls I will never directly influence beyond buying this piece of garbage bulk data storage. But if I start raising a stink about it. Then many, many people I never met will have their livelihoods threatened and potentially lose what allows them to live.”
“Ma’am. We are not children. We are aware that there is an enormous amount of interconnection in the galaxy and due to that...
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1pp9u8r/oocs_into_a_wider_galaxy_part_538/