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The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/ctomkat on 2025-12-17 23:41:24+00:00.

Skelin, Sendasi Trader

In order to score big, a business needs two things, opportunity and information.

Nowhere is this more true than in the business of… less than legal goods. And never is it more important than when a new species enters the fray of the Greater Galactic Community. It’s a time of both chaos and change as the newcomers find their place, and those that get in early can profit greatly.

Now a lot of people think they know other species. They consume the flood of information that arrives with them, mostly cultural data dumps and publicized interviews, but those sources can only get you so far. They are always a front, a fabrication, a best face forward. In order to truly get to know a species, you need to take matters into your own hands.

The best method for this that I have found, is to get one of them alone and make them suffer. Place them at your mercy and they will show you who they truly are. Some species beg for their lives, offering you anything you want and things you didn’t even know they had. Others accept their fate, lock up, or faint. The Lehkaran pirate I tried it with went into a berserker rage and nearly killed me. 

I don’t torture everyone I meet, of course, that’s bad business. Just a few to get a feel for them and then it’s back to business as usual, only now I know who will break under pressure and who will call a bluff. Those first few contacts might be a wash, but there’s plenty of ships in the galaxy. Except for that Lehkaran, I had to eject him out an airlock.

Hopefully I would not need to do the same with today’s Human specimen, but I had some contingencies ready just in case. They were the latest species to arrive in the sector, and came with a reputation for being unpredictable in addition to their above average size and strength.

*Klunk Klunk Klunk*

Speaking of strength, a disturbingly loud knock at the door announced the subject's arrival. It was easier than you’d think to get someone to meet you alone at the outskirts of the orbital station, away from prying eyes and ears. You just had to find the right target. Like a newly arrived human ship, running a skeleton crew that immediately began painting over the official military insignias and ordering enough parts and maintenance to put them deep into debt. From there, offering the newly crowned merchant captain their first shipment without all the usual bureaucratic hassle and fees was easy. With one last look around the room to be sure that nothing was out of place, I opened the door for my guest.

“Captain Hoss I presume?”

The imposing figure loomed in the dimly lit doorway. Most of his bipedal form was adorned with cloths of various colors and textures to indicate position and status. He also wore an oddly shaped, wide-brimmed head covering that, given the lack of weather on an orbital station, must be some kind of fashion statement.

“Yep, that‘d be me. And you must be Mister Skelin.”

“Just Skelin is fine, please come in and have a seat.” I stepped back and waved an arm in the manner depicted in their body language guide. I could feel the weight of his steps as he passed, and I took the opportunity to glance to a particular corner of the room. Two blue lights blinked once and went dark, confirming no electronics or energy signatures on his person. He did not appear to be carrying any of their more primitive weapons either. 

I followed him to a human-height table set in the middle of the room, each side bearing a chair to even out our disparate height. The human shifted his seat to an odd angle and draped an arm over the back in a position that made it seem as though he was right at home.

“Gotta say, it’s a bit of an odd spot for a business meeting.” He remarked with a casual glance around at the bare walls and stark lighting.

“Ah, please forgive the utilitarian decor, captain. My ship is undergoing maintenance and this warehouse office is not often used.” I lied, this room was soundproofed specifically for this purpose.

“No worries, my old girl is getting a few finishing touches herself, but she’ll be ready to haul ‘fore the week is through.”

We continued to exchange pleasantries and small talk about the station’s general climate settings while I poured a pair of drinks from a nearby serving cart, the only other furniture in the room.

There would be no restraints, tools, or weapons involved in this, I wasn’t some sadistic savage. No, I had perfected my information gathering to an art after years of practice on dozens of other species. All I needed was a specific chemical cocktail refined from wild plant life in a nearby colony. It was hard to find, and had no other uses, so it was not widely known. Even the local fauna avoided it, barring the insects that had evolved to spread its seeds.

On skin contact it causes agonizing irritation, which can be bad enough on its own for the more sensitive species, but for the hardier ones I found ingestion worked best. Once swallowed, even those with the toughest skin and hardest carapaces would wilt and writhe as their entire digestive tract exploded in pain they had never even imagined possible. It would wear off in a few hours of course, but they didn’t know that, and that was plenty of time for me to take their measure.

A few drops of the substance were subtly added to the subject’s glass before I brought the two drinks to the table. I placed them down, being careful not to spill as I positioned the tainted drink in front of the human.

“Now, before we get down to business there is a tradition amongst my people to share a drink. A display of trust and companionship. Drink it all in one go, I checked that it is safe for your species.”

“Ah, well that sounds mighty fine to me.” The human responded exuberantly and showed no hesitation as he grasped the vessel. He only needed two fingers to grip the small glass as he lifted it high into the air.

“To good business!” He declared before tilting back his head and downing the contents.

I struggled to keep a neutral expression and steadily drained my own vessel as I waited for the effects to take hold. Sure enough, by the time I set my glass down the symptoms had already begun.

***COUGH* *COUGH***

The human struggled to breathe as the pain coursed through their system. He even beat one of his meaty fists against his chest in a vain effort to expel the offending substance. He looked down and tried to hide a face contorted in pain as he continued to cough, his relaxed posture abandoned in the throes of pain. I couldn’t help but raise my frills in delight as I saw the powerful creature begin to crumble before me.

He slapped the metal table with an open palm and I flinched as the sound echoed through the room. I discreetly gripped the stun gun hidden underneath the table as the human fought against the pain and finally managed to draw breath.

“WHoooooooeeee! Man you gotta warn a feller ‘fore you give him something like that!”

He leaned back and I could see liquid leaking from his eyes. Surely a sign of significant distress, right? He reached into a pocket and I gripped the gun tighter, ready for an attack, but he only withdrew a small piece of cloth. He wiped the liquid from his face before placing it against his small bump of a nose and loudly expelling from it. 

“Are you well?” I asked with concern. The emotion was genuine, though the subject was more for myself and my experiment than the creature before me. The human began to wave his hand in front of his mouth as he breathed more forcefully than normal.

“I’ll be alright, but that’s gotta be at least ghost pepper level on the ol’ scoville scale. I thought you xenos didn’t like spicy stuff.”

“You’ve… had something similar before?”

“Oh yeah, hell I got a few bottles of hot sauce and a couple pepper plants back on the ship. They’re just jalapenos and habaneros, not quite this hot, but they got good flavor. Granted, those won’t pass customs just yet so they can’t leave the ship, but I might be able to sneak you a sample if’n you’re interested.”

“Speaking of, would this stuff be part of your inventory here? It wouldn’t win any competitions back home, no offense, but just the novelty of a xeno spicy drink would see it sell out real quick.”

“Unfortunately not.” I spoke carefully, my frill still quivering in concern. “It’s a rare item that is quite difficult to stock.”

“Ah well, let’s get down to what kind of goods you do have for me then…”

The conversation continued as any normal negotiation, but I found myself simply going through the motions as I tried to reconcile what I had just witnessed. There had been other species that were immune to the toxin, but that clearly wasn’t the case here. Fluid continued to slowly leak from his facial orifices, and he occasionally paused to cough as the irritation lingered in his system. From what he said, consuming such a poison was common among his people, they cultivated plants that produced it and seemed to have some sort of potency measurement system. 

What kind of a creature poisons itself so casually? Did it do so for sustenance, recreation, or something else? What other toxins made up its diet?

The only thing that was clear, was that when it came to humans, I would have to tread carefully.