This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/noobvs_aeternvm on 2025-12-21 21:52:42+00:00.
MS. YAR-PAR
9 unread messages
Leticia, sorry to bother you, but have you noticed anything out of the ordinary before you left for your Earth holidays? The larvae are acting a little odd
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Leticia, I’m getting a little worried. Zek and Ziza are fighting a lot, she keeps asking her brother to help her with the “tribute”, he insists "naughty kids can’t count on mercy, only blaster fire”. Have you been showing those violent Terran cartoons to the larvae? I promise I won’t be mad, I’m just trying to understand what’s going on with the kids
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Sorry to bother you in your time off again, but I caught Zek trying to break into the drawer where his dad keeps the raygun, keeps saying ‘he’s coming’, any idea what he’s talking about?
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Leticia, what have you told the larvae? I’m not mad, really, just trying to understand. When we ask them what’s going on they say we can’t help, that he only appears for the kids who believe
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I had a pretty awkward conversation with our neighbours. Apparently they caught Ziza trying to steal the eggs they’re hatching, said she needs them to prepare an offer to a Terran elder god. Please, tell me what's going on with my larvae
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Leticia, we had a couple agents from Planetary Security drop by the house! Seems like Zek tried to get anti-air smuggled from his dad's base. When the agents questioned him, he kept calling them dummies, that the invader would break into their habitats and fill them with Terran incendiaries. Please help! What’s my son talking about???
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Leticia, we had another awkward moment and I’m getting desperate. My husband brought home a Terran colleague who had a bit too much to drink. We woke up in the middle of the night with a scream and when we rushed to her room, we found Ziza had attached a mechanical contraption to the Terran’s pectoral fat deposits. When we took her away from my husband’s colleague, she kept yelling “No! He’s coming! I need milk for the tribute! Gimme your milk mammal!” We tried to apologize, but by the time we calmed Ziza down the Terran was long gone and she won’t answer our messages. Do you have any idea what’s wrong with the larvae?
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I don’t know what else to do, on top of everything else, Zek has been training our pet Glark to attack red people. He hasn’t been very successful, but given all the things Red Tronarians faced throughout galactic history, we’re getting a lot of side-eyestalk. There is now a petition circulating, asking us to move out. If you think of anything that could help us, I'd appreciate it
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Leticia, the larvae went completely bonkers, they’re convinced we’re under a curse called Krist-mazeeve. I’m trying to break into my lab, where Ziza is obsessively going through experiments with Terran grain powder, mammal secretion and eggs. My husband is outside, trying to unstuck Zek from the exhaust port he was trying to rig. We don’t know what got the larvae so spooked, but they’re convinced the habitat is not safe, so we are leaving never to come back. Please call us when you read this, I need to understand what is wrong with my kids
This was the day the Yar-Par’s nanny dropped the rule of “don’t check work messages on your day off”.
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Tks for reading & merry Earth holidays. More tales of elder Terran creatures here.