It only matters if the target has an 'out' and can use it. If not, its mean spirited and malicious. Might as well be labelled bullying.
Totally agree. There was a lot of "banter" where I used to work, and there were a few times I had to step in and diffuse the situation:
Is the teasing focused on something the person can't easily/readily (or want to) change about themselves?
Does the teasing disclose anything sensitive/private to a broader audience?
Is there a power imbalance between the teaser and teasee where there is inherent risk of repercussions in pushing back? (I think this is the "out" you mentioned?)
If all those things check out, are they sincerely laughing along with you? Are they "in" on the joke, or do they look like they want to crawl into a hole?
This last one can be hard to interpret sometimes, but I know a few people that just could not read the room and several people felt bullied by what was claimed to be "harmless banter". The intent didn't match the follow-through.
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