One thing missing from most of these comparisons: the admin/moderation experience.

Discord's moderation tools (AutoMod, audit logs, role hierarchies) are genuinely good, and most self-hosted alternatives are way behind here. If you're running a community server, this matters a lot.

My ranking for communities (not just friend groups):

1. Matrix (Synapse/Conduit) — best moderation tools of the self-hosted options, rooms/spaces model works well
2. Revolt — closest Discord clone, but moderation is still basic
3. Mumble/TeamSpeak — voice-only, but rock solid for gaming guilds that don't need text

For just friends? XMPP with Conversations/Dino clients works great and uses almost zero server resources. I run an ejabberd instance on a $5 VPS alongside 5 other services.

TeamSpeak tested

Great now I feel old

Yeah, but what about "Balls of Steel" Ventrilo?

out of the loop. what is discord doing to force an exodus?

Ventrilo. Been sitting in ventrilo for 30 years

Wow, TeamSpeak is still around???

I self-host a federated Matrix server and got my family and close friends using it. They actually took to it pretty easy, and although the initial setup was a bit of a headache it's been running smoothly for years now.

I don't really get most of the criticisms of it. I love it.