This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/b1g_d3ck_3n3rgy on 2026-04-17 04:52:26+00:00.

I had never seen a creature so perfect. Digestion, not merely a chemical reaction but a symphony of biology. Microbes and bacteria eating and excreting without input. I remember the hazard warning when assessing this creature's excrement. Warning lights blaring, I thought: How does this creature live?

It thinks, this creature. It creates. We couldn’t contain it. What the hell was this thing? We gave it everything it needed. Food wasn’t hard to simulate, neither was water. Water, this thing was made primarily of it. We gave it water. So much water. It kept ingesting it. Like a sickness the creature just kept putting it into its primary intake.

These creatures, they want stimuli. Once we provided it an empty room with food and water. In the room we put a small device with a button. Upon pushing the button, a small electrical shock was administered. The creature pushed the button once and immediately reacted in a negative way. Expected, nothing to report. Then it pushed it again. Then it pushed it again and again and again and again. We quickly relocated it back to the wild.

We kept analyzing, every discovery shocking us to our core. What had we discovered? I told my superiors and they didn’t believe me. They didn’t respond until we told them of its so-called language. I call it that because it has no language. We captured many specimens and put them together. They couldn’t communicate. It appears this creature has not one but many languages. However; after many days, a rudimentary form of communication formed between the specimens. Soon, a system was formed to distribute food and water. 

We looked in further. Dialing the microscope in each day, we found weird thing after weird thing. For instance, the death fruit. An exaggeration to be sure, the death fruit was a food these creatures ate that seemed to be evolved to not be eaten. It caused irritation when eaten, and sometimes, with some death fruit with contact alone. Did these creatures avoid it, as we would? No, they appeared to have bred it to its fullest strength and eaten it. This gave my superiors a start and they soon funded more research. 

They ate and drank that which was rotten. Multiple local flora, they took and let sit in a controlled environment. The end result appeared not to matter. They would drink and eat the result. Analysis of this product produced results concerning to any biologist. Bacteria through the whole of it. One such product was especially prized by some of the specimens. A green cylinder, when grown, it was a great source of many nutrients, however, many of the specimens preferred it to be aged in a glass container. We watched in horror as they consumed them. Dozens of them per specimen. No reaction recorded except an apparent happiness.

The next curiosity was an apparent poison that they consumed without fear. A result of bacteria mixed with sugar, when presented to the creature, a precarious result was presented. All specimens, regardless of origin, began to gesticulate wildly. On further analysis, the writhing of these creatures had a pattern. 

I can not write more today as sirens have told me to evacuate, but I will continue to write when the all clear has sounded.