This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/TheOmnibusWriting on 2026-04-18 13:20:53+00:00.

In the year 2017, an extrasolar object dubbed 1I/ʻOumuamua was discovered to be heading towards the solar system – expected to be the first interstellar object to be detected passing through the solar system, it was obviously an event of great scientific importance.

The object was remarkable for lacking a coma, and for moving linearly, rather than spinning in the way that so many other comets or asteroids do.  

By 2019, the object possessed little social importance beyond headlines such as ‘Is this interstellar object an alien spaceship?’ – outside of its interest to the scientific community, the general public were, for the most part, unphased by its existence.

That was until it changed course to enter Earth’s orbit.  This alone was sufficient to determine its origin as an artificial object, and First Contact had now officially been achieved. 

When communications between ʻOumuamua and the myriad space agencies of Earth, each were shaken by the discovery that the aliens piloting ʻOumuamua were shockingly Human. 

After much negotiating, the Alien Humans agreed to move their spacecraft into Martian orbit, as their presence was causing a great amount of discomfort among the general population. The two groups of Humans then agreed that first contact would happen aboard the International Space Station, using it as a sort of unclaimed no-man’s land between  ʻOumuamua and Earth’s surface. 

The diplomat named James Elster floated opposite the diplomat named Eodrax-Semm, one of the surprisingly human crewmates of ʻOumuamua. He was notably older than his comrades, and physically massive compared to them. In terms of size and shape, he closely resembled the archaic statues of Greco-Roman gods, with an anatomy defined by an extremely muscular physique.  He wore his hair and beard in a bushy Marxist mane the colour of snow. His eyes were perpetually wrinkled in joviality, and dialogue with him was usually punctuated by his deep, booming laugh. James thought of him like a cross between Father Christmas, and Zeus. 

After a prolonged, awkward moment of silence, James spoke “I’m going to be honest Eodrax-Semm, I have absolutely no idea what to say here. First Contact with aliens is one thing, First Contact with aliens that are humans who can understand English is another.”

Eodrax-Semm laughed his booming laugh, “It is quite alright Mr. Elster. I have been in this job for six hundred years, and every time, nobody knows what to say – to tell you the truth, neither do I! I just wait for the other guy to admit he has no idea what he’s doing either!” He reached over, and patted Jon on the shoulder, “Usually, it is helpful to just answer some questions that you might have.”

“How do you speak our languages?”

“Humans have similar vocal cords wherever they are in the universe, so language is pretty intelligible across the board. We just need to feed enough of it to one of our computers, and it paints a pretty good picture – enough for me to order food at a restaurant right?” He laughed again, “Also, most human languages have their roots with us.”

“What’ve you been doing for six hundred years? You mentioned “humans wherever they are in the universe”, so obviously there are more of us; but what is it you do?”

“I do what you do; I’m a diplomat. When we discover a Human civilisation, myself or one of my colleagues is dispatched to that corner of space to welcome them into the galactic society of Humankind! I’ll admit, the organisation that I work for – Reconnaissance and Reclamation– sounds menacing; but I assure you, I am here on a purely diplomatic mission, looking to reconnect contact with you lovely folks.”

“Reconnect?”

“Yup – reconnect. Humans are one of this galaxy’s most powerful species. Several billion years ago, the First Men launched trillions of terraforming probes into space, as well as the relevant stuff to produce animals, plants, all other forms of life – including us!”

“So Earth, and your home-world were some of those terraformed?”

“No. Earth is the home-world. You guys are very, very special. My people call your planet Tsantsar, which roughly translates into the Greek language as Nostos – meaning homecoming. The First Men built their civilisation on your world, and did a pretty good job technologically, but some kind of cataclysmic event destroyed their civilisation – and to preserve themselves, launched their probes.” He paused, “My people do not have a home planet; we started off as a collective of interstellar nomads who travelled via rocky spacecraft like the one you call ʻOumuamua. In our travels, we discovered that our kind is separated across space, and traced the origin of human life back to you.”

“Oh my God.”

“Yes, Mr. Elster. There are currently confirmed to be one hundred and fifteen advanced Human civilisations that make up our union. It has been my life’s work to find Tsantsar, and hopefully make contact with the First Men who created us.”

“Didn’t you say they were destroyed?”

“They did not leave Tsantsar, no. Their surface civilisation was destroyed, and you guys came about from what was left. The First Men, we do not believe to have been wiped out by this event, however.”

“Where are they then?”

“Under the south pole.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Yep. They hollowed out a massive area of land beneath your Antarctic continent, and turned it into their refuge.”

"Oh my god."

"If your people allow it, we would like to try and make contact with the First Men's civilisation below ground. Whilst I myself am a diplomat, my crew are mostly techno-archeologists; the people of Tsantsar - Earth - will be compensated, we can give you our technology and science, as well as connect you to other human civilisations across the galaxy, but we would like to try and discover whether the First Men are alive, and what cataclysm they were fleeing."

Jon said nothing.

"Think about it." Eodrax-Semm said, before teleporting away.