I just feel so alone, I fucking hate BPD, I hate how my father neglected me so now I can't even do basic chores corrrctly, I hate bring autistic, I hate being a failure of a FUCKING trans women I'm sick and I'm tired of it.

I'm 24 nearly 25, I have an assosites in computer info systems, never once got a job that wasnt retail. I live with roomates who I used to be friends with but now hate me because I'm fucking horrible, and self depericate all the time. My mental health is horrible, I disassosite constantly, its gotten so bad I forgot three entire weeks of my life, just gone. I have basiclly no short term memory. I went on leave from target since I kept getting written up for not working fast enough and I had zero perception of time, it took me multiple days to recover. My relationship at home are cold and to the point no one likes me, because meltdown constantly and cost everyone emotional labor. I'm a fucking werido basiclly. My transition is a failure, I look so masc and I'm just gross and disgusting. I drive the most beat up Prius ever, frontend is gone. I genunily get joy from nothing. I scroll endless for hours, sleep 12 hours a day. I tried to go back to school spiloer alert I'm failing everything. No one fucking cares. When I try to talk no one responds. My mom tells me she has dreams where I killed myself, and worries. I plan on ending it once she passes. There so much more I want to say but I genunily can't string the thoughts together.

I'm a piece of shit, I'll never get better. Me self depericating cause I didn't do the dishes, was not a dilleribte choice so I didn't have to do anything, it was me being vocal about how I am horrorible cause I needed to do the dishes again. Its me understanding how I'm a fuck up who can't do anything right, its me being focal that I hate myself