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I'm bisexual, and trans. I've been on dates with men, and women, presenting as both a man and a woman. I usually just pay for myself, or awkwardly fail to turn them down when the other person offers to pay.

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[-] Rednax@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago

Instead of awkwardly failing to turn it down, use it. If you are interested in a second date: say that you will allow them to pay, if you can pay next time ๐Ÿ˜‰

[-] MrBubbles96@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 year ago

....smart. i like the way ya think lol

[-] GlitterInfection@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

As a gay man I usually go by the rule that whoever chose the place should pay. That way you can take each other out on dates according to your own budgets without feeling taken advantage of.

[-] PlanetOfOrd@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

As a man (straight) I consider it my duty to pay for a date, but if the woman wants to pay or go Dutch I'm not going to raise a fuss.

I'll usually tell her straight up I do this as well. I figure if someone isn't comfortable with me communicating something as simple as who's going to pay for a date, how comfortable are they going to be with me communicating about other things as well?

[-] jeffw@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Back when I was dating, if I invited someone, I offered to pay. If they wanted to pay, I'd split it. I wouldn't overthink it.

[-] lvxferre@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago

I'm cis, man, straight. Usually I pay for the first date, unless she says that she wants to split it. Further dates depend, really - sometimes I'm short on cash, sometimes she is, but usually we'd split.

awkwardly fail to turn them down when the other person offers to pay.

Frame it differently: you aren't awkwardly failing to turn them down, you're gracefully accepting their generosity. If the other person is offering themself to pay, you shouldn't feel guilty for letting them to do so.

[-] elephantium@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

That's a good way to think about it. If someone is doing something nice for you, let them!

[-] slazer2au@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

When I was dating my now wife it would depend on the currency. Dollaroos I pay, Euros she pays.

Then I moved to Europe and we have shared expenses so now it doesn't matter which one pays.

[-] MrBubbles96@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

Ace guy here, and I usually offer to pay. It's not a hard rule or anything, it's just something i was taught to do by my ma and sisters, but If it doesn't jive with them and they'd rather go half and half or pay for their own meal, that's perfectly cool too.

[-] elephantium@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

With my credit card. I don't carry cash consistently.

Occasionally my wife will pay the bill, but mostly I get it #genderroles

We still date each other even though we're "boring" and married now ๐Ÿ˜‰. Who pays doesn't really matter seeing as we're married, but hey, old habits

this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2023
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