Mulder

"You're on the air. What's your beef?"

"You've called Sevil Natas, home of mirrored text, how may I serve you today?"

Vatican. This is the Pope.

Hello, I am a communist

I love all the mortuary ones, they're fun. But I've also had fun with stuff like "Joe's Crab Shack" because of the long pause on the other end.

THIS IS FLAMING DRAGON

Horrible disease help me hotline. Disease please.

To say hello: Yo-dah-lee-yah-hoo, how are you?

To say goodbye: Too-dah-loo buck-a-roo, I'll see you in a few.

@programmatica If it's 0 in the morning (and you know it's not the case), "Somebody better be dead."

City crematory, we fry 'em you buy 'em!

Huuuuuuurooooooo

I'm a bad person

"Bob's steak and video, how can I help you? "

Talk to me

I go with a mildly sharp, marginally rude...

"Whatcha want?"

Hey, might not be the funny line you're looking for, but it seems to sort out legit calls vs. scammers pretty quick haha!

“What's The Best First-Person Shooter About Genetically-Modified Space Marines? Halo!”

Pizza hut!