How do you handle the insane entitlement of women on dating apps? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago by AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee to c/askmenover30@lemm.ee

17 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I don't think I've spoken to a woman on Tinder who is actually interested in dating. The majority of them don't ever reply, the few that do put zero effort into the conversation and often just want money. Once in a while a woman agrees to meet then just doesn't. What the actual fuck? How do you guys handle this bullshit?

Before I get called an incel 1000 times, I am already doing everything right. I'm in therapy, I exercise every day, I eat healthy, I have diverse interests and several friends. I have paid people to review my profile and conversations and everyone agrees I am doing everything right.

top 17 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[-] Spzi@lemm.ee 0 points 1 year ago

The majority of them don’t ever reply, the few that do put zero effort into the conversation and often just want ~~money~~ sex. Once in a while a ~~wo~~man agrees to meet then just doesn’t. What the actual fuck? How do you ~~guys~~ girls handle this bullshit?

To be fair, I heard very similar stories (see the minor edits) from my dates. Apparently, dating sites suck for both sides. Low effort, low result.

It helps your own sanity and attractivity to not generalize and act as if the other person is genuinely decent. If they are not, move on. If they are, at least you did not screw them up for the faults of other people.

Yes, lots of women are interested in actually dating, but many, like you, suspect every other person to be a horrible experience. So each side is busy with their negative expectations and fears, plays defensively. And of course, the asymmetry does not help either.

Generally, I think it makes sense to slow down or stop or change if what you are doing becomes too frustrating for you.

Or maybe my experiences don't translate well to your area/bubble/whatever. You could talk to your female friends and see what their experiences are.

[-] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee -1 points 1 year ago

Looking to connect with people via sex is NOT the same as trying to manipulate lonely people with false hope so they give you money...

[-] Spzi@lemm.ee 0 points 1 year ago

Ok? That's not what I meant or said. If you approach people with this self-centered negative attitude, no wonder they don't connect.

[-] o0joshua0o@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

Unfortunately the dating apps are mostly enshitified at this point.

See if you can find an IRL club to join with people who share an interest. You might meet someone interesting that way.

[-] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

I'm in two social groups but it's 90% men the few women are sick of being hit on

[-] Landmammals@lemmy.world -1 points 1 year ago

I think the women you are looking for aren't on Tinder. Dating sites are dominated by fake profiles, bots and grifters.

Low effort swiping leads to low effort trash interactions. Get on some different sites.

[-] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Tell me the different site and I will

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.world -2 points 8 months ago

Is eHarmony still around? That was a good site for finding serious partners when I was single. Match was okay too. The best place to meet women is IRL.

[-] OpenPassageways@lemmy.zip -1 points 11 months ago

Delete all dating apps, and most social media. For me, I don't have apps for Instagram or Facebook on my phone but will log in in the browser if I need to contact someone.

I found that dating apps were not good for my self-esteem and were therefore counter-productive. It's like speed-rejection on a daily basis.

You just have to get out and find activities you enjoy where you can also meet people. Dating apps were not a good tool for meeting people for me. I had success with coed sports though.

Just forget about chasing women for a bit and work on yourself, which happens to also include some coed activities. Some areas have kickball, coed softball is everywhere, get out there and do something, build up confidence instead of letting dating apps and social media drag you down.

[-] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 1 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

If there's a 0.01 percent chance I'll find a girl on a dating app then it's better than the zero percent chance I have without it.

I'm honestly sick of being told to "work on myself". I've been fucking doing that. I've lost over 100lbs and I'm in therapy. I've been making friends. I am working on myself. It doesn't help.

[-] OpenPassageways@lemmy.zip 1 points 11 months ago

I thought it was bullshit advice when people told me that too.

I think the key is that when you "work on yourself" it's not necessarily about losing weight, becoming more attractive, getting a better job.

For me it's more about gaining confidence and improving your own self esteem. If deep down you don't feel like you're worth dating, then you won't exude the confidence that will be required to be attractive to someone.

If dating apps are helping you meet people more than they are killing your confidence and self-esteem, then by all means continue to use them.

For me, they just made things worse.

[-] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 1 points 11 months ago

It's difficult to gain confidence and self esteem while constantly being shot down by women.

Dating apps aren't helping at all. But what other option is there?

[-] OpenPassageways@lemmy.zip 1 points 11 months ago

It was tough because for me I was into a lot of things where I would just never meet women.

Super Smash Brother? Never met a woman Magic the Gathering? Same Rec baseball? Same

For me it was getting into coed softball, but there are other sports if you didnt play baseball growing up.

Some areas have coed kickball in the evenings and people are holding beers while playing it's basically just a big social thing. There are organizations like MySocialSports that organize those things.

I know a guy who met a girl playing in pool leagues.

You could try Meetup, there are organized singles events on there.