707

My dachshund is trying to kill me (lemmy.world)

submitted 7 months ago by ickplant@lemmy.world to c/memes@sopuli.xyz

27 comments fedilink hide all child comments

top 27 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[-] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 52 points 7 months ago

This might sound cruel but when I get a puppy I walk by dragging my feet. When they get in my way, I don't even slow down and they get "kicked" (shoved really). Two or three hits later, they learn to steer clear and it is never an issue again for the rest of their life, or until they are very old at which point I carry them from place to place. I hate that we outlive them by so much.

[-] MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 61 points 7 months ago

Meanwhile, my cat: "oh damn he didn't see me, nearly kicked me to death, lemme get right back in-between'is leggies"

[-] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 39 points 7 months ago

Cat: "Damnations, he survived! Until next time, hooman."

[+] MotoAsh@lemmy.world -10 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Seriously, this is why I will NEVER agree with anyone who says cats are smarter than dogs.

Cats are pure instinct. I've kicked (on accident) two cats around the house several feet on multiple occasions because they'll straight up run and try to rub on my legs while I'm in full stride. It's seldom a soft contact, so I doubt they want to get tossed.

My sister also constantly complains how the males predate on the females. You know, cats. Literally predators, as in that is their instinct!

They're just stupid predators, and all the cat people that defend them are in denial or just as instinctually dumb (emotionally reactive, in human terms).

[-] MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 16 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

People don't "get" cats the way they "get" dogs, and cats don't "get" people the way dogs "get" people.

But cats definitely do think, they can do some pretty complex problem solving, and can even be trained with the right methods and motivation. But you basically have to teach yourself how an alien race might process the world to be able to understand their behaviour. I've no clue if that makes them smarter than dogs. Dogs certainly understand humans better, and vice versa.

I don't pretend to know what goes on in my cat's head, but I've gotten pretty damn good at predicting behaviour, and even modifying it where needed.

And you're right about one thing, getting a cat to unlearn something instinctual is basically impossible. Digging their claws into you when they are relaxed is a good example, no matter what you do, your cat is will always mercilessly knead whatever it's sitting on when it's happy.

For some reason walking into your legs as you move is one of those things they just keep doing, but I've gotten my cat to stop doing a variety of other things I didn't want it doing.

My biggest success is kitchen counters. He no lingers jumps onto them. Ever. I've even taken him to relatives and friends, and he somehow knows the same rules apply in homes he's never been in.

[-] BorgDrone@lemmy.one 8 points 7 months ago

you basically have to teach yourself how an alien race might process the world to be able to understand their behaviour.

I’m autistic. A common explanation of how we experience the world is like being born on the wrong planet; people look like me, but they all behave in strange and alien ways. For me, cats are much easier to deal with than dogs. I’ve heard cats been described as ‘autistic dogs’. Research has also shown that autistic children like cats more than they like dogs. If autistics are born on the wrong planet, then cats must be from the same planet as us.

[-] MotoAsh@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago

How'd you manage to get them off counters?

[-] MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

The best way is to change something so the cat doesn't wanna be there in the first place.

I used a motion activated can of pressured air to scare him off the counter, changing its position so different parts of the counter were covered at different times. That, plus instantly pushing him off the counter whenever I got the chance.

He stopped hopping up there after just a few weeks of this, and I haven't had to use the pressured air can since.

I did something similar with his habit of shredding the toilet paper. I set a metal measuring cup on the tp, so that whenever he'd go to unroll it the metal cup would loudly clang onto the tile floor. Had to manually reset the cup each time, but it took him less than a week to get the point.

Cat's do problem solving very quickly (at least mine does), but I don't think they see us people as a problem that needs solving. People like to joke that cats teach their owners to do more tricks than the other way around, and it's true, I know exactly what ques mean pet me, play with me, swap my water, feed me, etc.

But if you change the environment so that it teaches the thing you want the cat to learn, it's insane how quickly their behaviour changes.

I imagine the counter training wouldn't have worked nearly as well if it was just me spraying canned air, rather than a consistent automatic device with no clear person operating it.

[-] crazyCat@sh.itjust.works 2 points 7 months ago

Brilliant, thank you for these insights, I needed them.

[-] DingoBilly@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

As opposed to dogs where you can just abuse and mistreat them and they'll still be loyal! Clearly the smarter pet.

[-] BorgDrone@lemmy.one 4 points 7 months ago

Dogs have been bred for blind obedience and unconditional love towards humans. This is one of the reasons I prefer cats. A cat likes you (or not) by choice. A dog literally cannot do anything else, it’s bred into its genes. Even then, you have to keep a dog on a leash or train it not to wander off. My cat can go out whenever she wants and she comes back every time, zero training required.

A cat is a companion, a dog is a slave.

[-] DingoBilly@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago

Yep, I feel exactly the same way.

When a cat wants to spend time with you they actually want to.

You can smack a dog and do whatever you want to it and they'll still come running to spend time with you. It's not loyal, it's just stupid.

[-] MotoAsh@lemmy.world -3 points 7 months ago

That's a social trait, not an intelligence one. The fact you view kindness and loyalty as stupidity speaks volumes about your character....

[-] DingoBilly@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

Ever heard the term loyal to a fault? There's loyal and there's stupid.

[-] li10@feddit.uk 7 points 7 months ago

Mine still doesn’t get the message.

Sometimes he really gets ploughed out of the way when I’m moving between rooms, still doesn’t stop him from pushing in front of me all the time though…

[-] pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.online 16 points 7 months ago

We have a mentally challenged cat who does this, but his favorite thing is to flop on the floor in front of you when you're walking.

But, he also fucks with the great Dane while he's eating, so maybe he just wants to die.

[-] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 7 months ago

I don’t know that our cat is actually mentally challenged, but sometimes it sure seems it. Instead of avoiding our feet or even just walking in front of us normally, it’s like she remembers that she’s been bumped into before, doesn’t want it to happen again, and so blasts at MAXIMUM SPEED directly in front of us and usually gets smacked into anyway. There are so many ways to avoid this, and she picks the way most likely to result in getting trampled!

It also took her almost 8 years to figure out she can hop onto the table. I’m somewhat hopeful that the realization that she can jump on counters is something that will take longer than her lifespan for her to learn.

[-] MrShankles@reddthat.com 0 points 7 months ago

Our big dog will sometimes run between your legs when going outside. He's the sweetest giant oaf, but he's too big (and kinda dumb) to understand any consequences of what he's doing. We try to mutually watch out for each other, but he gets excited sometimes and isn't afraid (or aware?) to throw his weight around.

But on the other hand, it really seems like he understands something we don't. The dog stares at clouds while his ears blow in the wind and lays down with 5 week foster kittens (never steps on them, but apparently WE'RE fair game). He's our buddah dog

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 4 points 7 months ago

I drag my feet with my cats for a similar reason. They're both black so collisions are inevitable at night, but by keeping my feet <1 inch off the ground I avoid stepping on their tail or anything but they still learn that sometimes I can't see and they should be careful.

[-] cynar@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

I've got a lurcher. They have an annoying habit of doing extremely close, high speed flybys. It wouldn't be an issue except he kept messing it up and you'd get a glancing blow from a 30kg+ bullet.

The solution was slightly evil, but effective. We started sticking a foot out in front of him. It took a few tumbles, but he learnt to leave a meter or so of clearance.

Unfortunately, despite 6 years of effort, we have yet to break him of the high speed mud skids (Running towards us, then slamming on the brakes. He then skids to a stop in the mud in front of us, before accelerating away. This tends to spray us with mud).

[-] MrShankles@reddthat.com 3 points 7 months ago

When my dog was a puppy, he used to always be under my feet (because he's needy and the best). And he still kinda does it, but he understands the risks now

But when he was still learning: I was walking out the kitchen one day and he came from the side hall... and I was just walking, not trying to train. My poor dude got fully kicked by my stride, kinda literally body slammed into the wall. Like, foot to whole body... lifted and kicked against the wall :(

And he learned something that day... watch the fuck out, for self-preservation's sake. We never had an issue like that again. I never tripped over him anymore; he instead learned how to maneuver. He'll still get under the feet sometimes, but he never gets "kicked". My dude learned that day, how to be aware and dodge.

He's currently sniffing under the bathroom door while I poop and type this. He's old now, and I'm heading to bed, so I'ma scoop him up into my bed and give him some snugs.

So yeah, never any ankle-breaking tripping after that little lesson, but still my needy boy. Did I mention he's the best?

[-] Pilon23@feddit.dk 16 points 7 months ago

All day every day. My dog has to walk at most 20cm in front of me at any given time, which causes quite the panic if she doesn't guess the right door and has to catch up. Carrying soup has become an extreme sport

[-] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 7 months ago

my cat loves to run ahead of me when going downstairs, I've tripped many times

[-] MrShankles@reddthat.com 4 points 7 months ago

Our dachshund is 14, epileptic and has degenerative disc disease. The old man doesn't give one single fuck. He's all black and burrows under blankets (or whatever he can find to root in, like a black t-shirt).

I have almost broken my life and limb on so many occasions, because I go to take a step... and holy hell, it's a weiner dog under there! But I don't want to step on him and hurt him, so instead I have to kinda go limp to avoid him.

He's our dog that will trip tf outta you, and he firmly expects for you to evade... because he ain't moving. He has little handicap ramps and everything, for him to go outside, because we love him... but hot damn, that dog EXPECTS you to know to watch out for HIM.

He has us well trained, ngl

[-] ickplant@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago

From what I understand, this is typical dachshund behavior. They have so much personality for such a small stature. Ours also loves to burrow, it’s so cute.

[-] AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

My cat cuts me off more than bad drivers

[-] Naveen000can@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

He is also a bad driver

this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2024

707 points (99.4% liked)

Memes

8313 readers

1965 users here now

Post memes here.

A meme is an idea, behavior, or style that spreads by means of imitation from person to person within a culture and often carries symbolic meaning representing a particular phenomenon or theme.

An Internet meme or meme, is a cultural item that is spread via the Internet, often through social media platforms. The name is by the concept of memes proposed by Richard Dawkins in 1972. Internet memes can take various forms, such as images, videos, GIFs, and various other viral sensations.

Wait at least 2 months before reposting
No explicitly political content (about political figures, political events, elections and so on), !politicalmemes@lemmy.ca can be better place for that
Use NSFW marking accordingly

Laittakaa meemejä tänne.

Odota ainakin 2 kuukautta ennen meemin postaamista uudelleen
Ei selkeän poliittista sisältöä (poliitikoista, poliittisista tapahtumista, vaaleista jne) parempi paikka esim. !politicalmemes@lemmy.ca
Merkitse K18-sisältö tarpeen mukaan

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

QuentinCallaghan@sopuli.xyz

seahorse@midwest.social

graphito@sopuli.xyz