While it's running, have you checked docker stats
to see how much memory/cou the container is using? What's the host, what're it's total resources and what are you using to run the vm?
My host is windows which has 16gb ram and I assigned 8 gn for the vm. I haven't check what's the docker takes I'm pretty sure that the intellij and the have process are choking it
You may get more traction asking in the communities that exist for those tools: IntelliJ and Docker
8GB for two separate IntelliJ projects sounds low. You could try importing both into one instance as separate "modules" so that there is only one IntelliJ instance/window.
Depending on how you are running the VM, the host may be choking it through the host OS and leading to OOM. Especially with a tool like docker.
Edit: I see you commented usage of windows, you may need to look into wslconfig
Are you running the project on an OS in the VM? Because the 8GB assigned to the VM will be used by the OS and anything else running in it?
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