That’s why at some point you lose the ability to feel terrible. Name more iconic duo

As someone who was long term emotionally abused by someone “because of their adhd” and then later diagnosed with adhd myself, I think a lot of the confusion and messiness around this topic comes from genuinely bad-intentioned (or very young/ immature) people misusing medical language to stymie fair communication in relationships. Many people need accomodations, different communication styles, certain boundaries or conditions to function but they know how to meet their own needs without hurting people and apologize when they need to apologize. But, assholes who want to blame or harm or use others have adopted the exact same terminology as the nice people who just are trying to get their needs met in good faith. I think this is where a lot of the frustration about neurodivergence as an “excuse” comes from. It can be hard to tell which sort of person you’re talking to and unfortunately citing adhd or another condition is sometimes used to shut down someone else’s legitimate hurt feelings about something disappointing or genuinely fucked up that occurred.

it also takes time and maturity and healthcare to figure out what you need for accommodations, how to manage one’s emotions, how to have healthy conflict, etc. No one is perfect or born knowing these things, and not everyone communicating badly or unfairly is doing it on purpose or old enough to know better. People DO need to get the help they need in order to stop, though. If you do have adhd, it can also be messy and hard to discern honest important feedback vs bad faith or unrealistic expectations from others. Recommend therapy for sorting through that.

Edit: just wanna be extra clear that i am NOT saying the above is what you were doing!! Just offering a possible explanation for why OTHER people may be acting and feeling the way they do, and what I think some people actually mean when they say this. Tldr it may not have to do with you at all, lots of jerks are muddying the waters.

The way i think about this is that it is an excuse, but it's not an excuse to not try to work around it.
We all do our best, and for some that really isn't a lot and that's FINE! But there are also probably ways you and others can find that enable you to do a whole lot more, which benefits everyone.

As a really really concrete example: I simply do not have the mental energy to constantly take proper care of my teeth, so i don't try to hold myself to that standard since it would eat away at me and make me fucking miserable.
However i also don't just give up, instead i do my best to brush when i have the energy for it, i take flouride pills to strengthen the teeth, i try to avoid sweets and stuff that harms dental health, and i literally just swish some water around my mouth every time i drink (this dislodges the food scraps and adds a little bit more flouride to the teeth).

Yeah it's not as good as properly brushing my teeth regularly with toothpaste, but it's the best way i've found to take care of my teeth while still being mentally sustainable, and that's all you can ask.

There are several studies that show neurotypicals react 30% more negatively to neurodivergent speech EVEN IF THEY ONLY GET A TRANSCRIPT!

They are programmed by evolution to ostracize us. And no one takes it seriously.

Imagine starting every interview, every job, every class, and having a 30% disadvantage in social interactions with EVERYONE, AND the inevitable meltdowns when that disadvantage becomes to difficult to bear.

They really don't give a fuck.

This thread has successfully convinced me that this community is not of people who have ADHD or for supporting same, but of people who hate anyone who does whether that's self-hate from internalized abusive BS or just plain ableism.

Am interested in finding one that's isn't awful, if there's one hidden away somewhere. Will be blocking this pit.