ADHD is not a quirk. It is ruining my life. I am disorganized, I am in debt, I am paralyzed. I can't even get help; I have tried navigating the maze of finding a doctor who will accept my crappy exchange insurance but I always end up throwing in the towel. I thought I found one, once, but sike, he's an addiction counselor who refuses to prescribe stimulant medication on principle.

Not that I'm opposed to trying nonstims again, but I was prescribed Strattera in high school and it made me so drowsy I failed chemistry because I couldn't stay awake even with a full night of sleep. Also, bonus, his profile on the site I used to find him lied, and he doesn't actually accept my insurance. Here's a $500 bill for our 45 minute zoom call where I accused you of drug seeking. I got his practice to cancel the charge but still.

ADHD is ugly; ADHD looks like every chair in my apartment being full of clutter (and me subsequently freaking out because I hate clutter). it looks like brushing my teeth every two or three or five days. It looks like being able to hold on to my job as a waiter nothing else. It looks like me having the money to pay my bills, me wanting to pay those bills, and then me getting sent to collections anyway. ADHD looks like ghosting an old best friend because I'm too embarrassed to keep up with him. It looks like my partner shouldering more of the housework than is fair. And I get to look back on all this behavior, identify and accept that I am the problem, and then I get to do fuck all to fix it. ADHD looks like a horizon that gets narrower and narrower every day.

And I feel alone. ADHD is not cute. It sucks to suck.

I have a deadline for coursework this Friday, its only half done and I have an exam on Thursday yet I'm still struggling with having all these little ideas for fun/cool things I could do. Ive only recently gotten meds (elvanse) so I'm on a low dose right now and I wish the titration would go faster ;(

Within the last month or two I learned here that echolalia is an ADHD symptom. Apparently it's not neurotypical to constantly have songs going through your head that haunt you for days on end and they come into your head when you don't want them and you hate these songs like it's raining right now and I absolutely hate that song by the Eurythmics "here comes the rain again" but I fucking hate that song and that Annie Lennox woman with the man haircut who wears men's clothes staring into my eyes from her MTV video, and it's playing in my head. Help please. Is there a way to get rid of these songs in my head. They never end.

I've been on slow release methylphenidate for about a year and it's mostly been a great help with executive disfunction, focus and motivation.

But there's something strange I've noticed: I have a feeling that it's making me crave alcohol (or drugs in general but the only drug I'd take is alcohol).

Before starting meds the number of times I'd drink in a year had already gradually decreased to maybe four or five times and when I started meds I pretty much stopped completely, I've only had any alcohol twice since then.

But I miss it a lot more than I used to and on some days I get an insanely strong craving.

I've read people say that adhs meds helped them with addictive behaviour but has anyone experienced the opposite?

One of them is the increased number of people caring for mental status, but the other one is, we are living in an era that requires long hours of computer usage which is against the living way of an ADHD person. We need to walk, go out, spend energy, but nowadays we have to stay in an office, look at a screen, which is so boring.

It's not easy to describe but here goes. If I'm doing something for someone (the dishes, cooking a meal, tidying up, decorating a Xmas tree) and they don't know I'm doing it, then I hear them approaching (keys in the front door, the sound of someone getting out of bed upstairs) and I get a huge panicky feeling because if they discover me before I've finished it and they:

1 - Thank me 2 - Don't approve of what I've done 3 - Try to help me 4 - Change what I'm trying to do like "Oh thanks but there's a better table cloth in the cupboard. Here lemme get it" 5 - Try to correct what I'm doing

I will lose all motivation and feel immediately depressed cos I missed the big dopamine hit of going "Tadaaa".

I wonder if there's a term for that situation?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/38200871

Transport for London is exploring how it can make journeys easier for passengers who find the city’s transport system overwhelming — by trialling a calm, quiet space for neurodivergent customers inside one of its busiest stations.

It'd creat natural triggers for when to pay attention and when its safe to fuck around.

BABUMBUM "OH shit something serious is happening I should prolly pay attention."

Doodotadootadoo "Well no serious shit is going to happen with that kind of up beat shit playing oh look a butterfly..."

I used to use tDCS, transcranial direct current stimulation, for depression*. It worked surprisingly well, I was more 'stable' and got myself out more, slept better, had amazing vivid dreams; then again most of these are typical placebo effects of any antidepressant changes for me, that fade in a few months. And I kept failing to stick to evening routines.

Now, there's some evidence that tDCS may help with some ADHD symptoms. So since I got a personal device anyway, I figured why not try it. I need to get some replacement leads and electrodes since there are some contact issues atm, and look up montages to try, but while waiting...

Has anyone else tried tDCS for ADHD, or depression while having ADHD? What were the results or lack thereof for you? Which montage, current, duration, time of day, and weekly schedule did you use?

*my psychiatrist was already considering it, the wait times were long and the duration limited, so I got my own device and used it under professional guidance and supervision

Like -- Just for an example -- I want to play every video game, so I end up not playing none and instead just fucking around online with stuff that doesn't require initiative. The only override I've found is involving other people, I always make time for an RPG session with my friends or for hanging out and such. But I have trouble starting stuff for myself.

What do?

After cluttering up the top of my drawer for 6 months I got inspired to put it away with a bunch of other things. Except it’s gone. Sigh.

So i was brushing one of my cats a couple days ago, and i didn't put it back where it normally goes. It's now lost forever. I literally cannot find it. I have looked everywhere.

I ALWAYS put things back when i use them. Everything has a specific spot it goes. When I go off script and put it somewhere else other than the specific spot it goes, it's just... gone. Never to be seen again.

Don't you love ADHD? NOT

#JustADHDThings.

Hi, I wanted to share Cake Timer here as it might be helpful.

It’s a focus timer I made for studying. In it's core its a circle that represents 24 hours (noon is at the bottom). At midnight the circle is completed and a new cicle starts growing. Logging work sessions create green arcs, so by the end of the day you get a “cake diagram” of your activity. To me its very powerful psichologically, since it visualizes time always running, and when you are not focused the time is clearly wasted.

Features: session tags, daily/weekly/monthly stats, streaks, and a simple to-do list. All data is stored locally in your browser. It's Open source I started it 6 years ago (during the COVID lockdown) and have been improving it ever since.

Website: https://jakobkreft.github.io/CakeTimer

Thanks for your feedback!