Comment with one of your worst dopamine hijackers; something which takes over and hogs your dopamine system, and on New Years Day I'll go through the comments and rank the top ten on how many upvotes they get and edit this post with the results as well as make a new post. Maybe even make a New Years Resolution based on it!

If there are any duplicates only the one with the most upvotes will be counted. Any comments/replies which are chat or reactions will obviously be disregarded from the final count.

I have been trying to get into writing short stories as a hobby. I have a couple of good ideas. But I tend to struggle when actually putting my thoughts to words.

Some issues I struggle with are as follows:

• Inability to settle on the right words: I'll write something and think that what I wrote could be written better or differently and then I keep on writing and deleting and rephrasing with different words. Thus making very slow progress.

• Problems with continuity: I might think up a somewhat long plot line. But I have to write the whole thing in one go because if I don't then my brain will splinter the story into multiple possible story branches when I stop and I am unable to choose the path to follow.

• Lose interest in continuing if I take a break: If I stop writing mid way and take a break from writing for an extended period of time, I am unable to find the motivation to resume. Mostly because trying to catchup with the story up to that point feels hard. I have this same tendency with video games as well where I don't feel like picking up a game after an extended period of absence.

So is anyone here who does writing as either a hobby or professionally? If so how do you cope with your condition?

What I've found that works for me is to just make up the story as I go without much planning. The issue with this is approach I've found is that it's hard to find a conclusion to end the story.

I was just diagnosed with ADHD this summer so I'm still figuring out what helps with areas I struggle in. One of them has always been active listening. I did okay in school as long as I had a notebook--better if I had written lecture notes--but I was never great at languages and the times where I had tests with only a listening section to rely on were consistently my worst ever in school.

I've picked up Japanese study again in earnest last year, and now, of course, I'm looking at this through a different lens. At this point, my listening comprehension is a full proficiency tier (or more) behind my reading. I tried some structured listening for a couple of months but mostly just ended up frustrated. One thing I'm noticing is if there's slow-paced talk, or if there's a single word I don't know, I'll completely lose focus. With reading, my brain automatically "plays" the passage at 1.5x speed or whatever it needs to stay focused, whereas that's a lot harder with listening (when it's an option at all).

I've seen a couple of strategies in articles I dug up recently, such as having a fidget toy at your desk while listening, or counting specific words while listening. If there are any language learners out there, has anything worked for you on this? Or perhaps something to help you with active listening as an adult in general?

I realised today that I cannot actually remember the last time I felt relaxed. I'm so fucking tired.

I wrote this as a long comment in reply to this thread and I was proud of it, so wanted to share it further (Shout-out to the OP of the meme, @LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone , who is a wonderful presence wherever she goes)

Step 1: throw away self help books that are aimed at neurotypicals. The advice in them is probably not helpful for us, and will just exacerbate internalised ableism. Not only will it take different strategies to get there, but "composed and focussed" will look different for you than it will for neurotypical people.

For example, a friend I had found that she was only able to complete her university essays when she engaged in an odd sort of task circuit-training, where she had multiple different tasks that she could cycle between as soon as she found herself losing focus. To an external, neurotypical observer, this looked like absurd chaos, but that was how she found her focus.

Step 2: try your best to work against the aforementioned internalised ableism. This, unfortunately, is an ongoing task, because even once we throw away unhelpful frameworks, we can't escape from the unreasonable expectations that the world places upon us. That is not your fault, and you are not broken just because you can't fit into the pre built mould that society offers you. It is possible to build new frameworks that will comfortably fit and support you, but we're going to have to do a lot of that work ourselves. This is a task that will be an ongoing one, so proceed to step 3 whenever you feel ready.

Step 3: find neurodivergent community. This is the most important step, because it can do wonders for helping with step 2; it gets tiring to have to constantly remind ourselves that we're not broken, so it's helpful to have other people help remind us of this sometimes. Plus ADHD folk often find it's easier to care for other people than for themselves, so you might find it easier to affirm other people than yourself. That can be a good starting point for learning how to extend that same grace to yourself.

It doesn't matter whether it's online or irl, a space specifically dedicated to discussing ADHD/autism or just a hobby community with lots of neurospicy folk — just find your people. It's daunting to feel like you have to build an entire mode of living from scratch, but you're not doing it alone. Ask people what strategies they have found useful for coping, and if you find anything, share that with others too. We're not a monolith, so not everything will work for every person, but having these conversations about what works and what doesn't is super useful.

Step 4: Remember that there is no silver bullet here, no single strategy that will fix everything. I'm sorry to have to emphasise this, but the best tool is the one you use. Try not to fixate on the next shiny thing, because that's a false comfort. I know that actually using the tools and strategies is the hard part, but that's why we need to keep working at it. You will struggle with this, but that's not failure, it's part of the process. Refer back to Step 2 if you need to.

Step 5: Remember the big picture. What we're building here is social and informational infrastructure. My own experience has been improved by having access to resources and communities online that are made by and for neurodivergent people; if I were born 100 years ago, I might've ended up in an asylum. It often doesn't feel like it, but things are getting better. It's overwhelming and scary to be building something new on the margins of society, but we have the ability to improve things both for ourselves, and the people who come after us.

We're trying to do something radical here, and that will take time and a lot of work. Most of us were only taught how to be successful neurotypicals, which is something that we can never be. We are having to learn from scratch how to be successful neurodivergent people, but there isn't a simple guidebook for that. We have to muddle along as best we can and write that guidebook ourselves. In this way, learning how to live as ourselves is a powerful form of political praxis[1] (which may be a helpful thing to remember if you tend to beat yourself up about being too burnt out to engage in as much activism as you'd like).

[1] : Praxis can be generally defined as the process of putting theory or ideas into practice. In this case, we can say "we deserve better than to live believing that we are no more than failed neurotypicals", but then there's the tricky question of how do we put that ideal into practice? That's the ongoing quest. Praxis in this context also draws from how it's used in Marxist thought, which is that praxis is about actions that are oriented towards changing society.

Edit: formatting

Recently, by accident, I set the subtitles of some anime to Spanish, and to my surprise, for the first time in who knows how long, I could focus fully on an episode. Tested over the days, and indeed it was helping.

After that, it got me wondering why.

Being able to understand some Japanese, the impression I get is that it's in a weird position where it's too straight to the point and too verbose at the same time. Meanwhile, in languages like Portuguese and English, it seems to me as if the speaker needs to walk around ideas a lot to explain them. And almost like they'd be in the other side of the spectrum, languages like Spanish (oddly enough despite being Portuguese's sister language) and the Scandinavian ones feel very straight to the point.

Perhaps then, less information added in helps at not straining one's focus, specially when the person's focus is already on the weaker side?

And going by that, it makes me think, if the person is struggling at focusing at something, despite the medium, maybe changing to a less verbose language (when possible and the person knows the language) could help?

Anything that helps increase your will power and dopamine levels.

I'm not really sure if I have adhd or not at the moment and I just realised this. I'm not sure if this is related to adhd at all but I just find it weird looking into peoples eyes, when I listen to people I usually look out a window or something and sometimes people ask me weather I am listening and I didn't even realise I was looking out a window I kind of just assumed they knew I was listening.

Also as a side note, I have a lot of symptoms of adhd but I'm not sure if to enough of an extent, since I see a lot that everyone has the symptoms of adhd just not to the extent of someone that actually has adhd has.

Do you also have that one comment in the bottom of your lemmy inbox that you've been meaning to respond to for the last several weeks or months but you keep putting it off?

Do you also sit on your couch or bed and just stair out the window for like 30 minutes or longer at a time?

I also have struggle focusing on school work, this hasn't always been the case but it's a lot more now. Once the coffee from the morning wears off I can't focus for long enough to finish a small portion of a single Maths question before I'm staring out the window thinking about something completely unrelated, then about 5-10 minutes later I realised I'm distracted.

You've probably also noticed a pattern at this point, I love staring out windows!

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/59778774

I told my friend I was learning music. She asked what I was trying to learn, so I said music. She asked what in specific, so I gave her the current list. She thinks I'm kidding.

• Guitar
• Ukulele
• Piano
• Music theory
• Reading music
• Finger drumming
• Abelton
• Renoise
• Bitwig
• Maschine
• Pigments
• Buttersynth
• Deluge
• Minifreak
• Polyend Play
• Polyend Tracker
• Dirtywave M8
• Chompi
• Abelton Note
• Koala
• Loopy Pro

Those are the things I'm actively working on with a laundry list of other things for later. The moment I get a little bored with one thing, I jump to another.

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/51387855

Offering screening for neurodivergence to people detained by the police could help ensure access to appropriate support and fairer treatment in the criminal justice system, say Cambridge researchers. A study from the team suggests that one in two individuals arrested and detained in London may have undiagnosed attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and one in 20 may have undiagnosed autism.

Hi everyone! This will be a bit long sorry.

First, Thank god for lemmy, I can finally share this. f**k reddit.

So... I'm an extremely introverted person, i don't have friends irl nor online. I've been fighting with ADHD since ever and didn't even know! I discovered that I have this disorder just a year ago. I knew that i have IBS aka irritable bowel syndrome. I can’t feel hungry becuz of it at all but It makes me very emotional and depressed. Adding ibs to adhd to loneliness is something only people who are dealing with knows how it feels, lately after falling in college and dropping out and feeling that my life is destroyed. My condition worsened, im fought to save myself and I managed to gain a skill and I'm working as freelancer. But loneliness is still there. I try to be patient i try to stop the tears but i can't take it anymore i cry a lot and i feel sometimes like my chest is crashing. Pls people like me what do you guys do in this situation? Plz help with whatever you know is helpful. I'll very appreciate it.

I would give anything to move abroad, but im into little to no things it takes to actually do so. And when I read about it, it seems a bit reasonable, but I lose all interest and motivation right there. Doubt myself and the usual.

I hate being american so much to where I want to do. I don't feel like writing much cause I feel pretty tired right now, but still Its become some sort of dysphoria for me. I feel inferior and I even hope to die in my sleep. I just wish that I were born European.

I do learn languages and I'm well aware of the issues over there.

I wonder to god why I was born here, but I know god doesn't really work like that or see things that way. So I probably pray.

I feel inferior literally

I don't relate to the history or culture (as if there is any) at all.

And some other stuff.

And I apologize if this seems very excessive. Its just really how I feel.

For those of you who use meds, in particular methylphenidate:

Do you consume caffeine? What's your experience been with it?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/56362702

I am trying to get back into watching hockey again, but the digital rink board ads are making it surprisingly difficult. When they slide or flicker my eyes snap to them instead of the play, and I end up losing sight of the puck, especially when it goes behind the net.

I cannot tell if this is an attention or sensory issue on my end or if the broadcasts have simply become more visually aggressive.

For people who watch regularly: Do the shifting digital ads distract you too, or do you barely notice them anymore?

I am genuinely trying to enjoy hockey again but my focus gets pulled away every few seconds and I am wondering how others experience this.

there's a million different strategies on how to function well with adhd, and some of them even work. but every single time i encounter the same problem - even if something works and improves my quality of life it's always short lived. i get distracted or something happens that throws me off the rhythm and then- i can't restart.

so now i have a mental library of all those tactics that work and very little motivation to try again, it's going to last a week maybe, and then back to being a mess i go.

is there any way to work against that? any point of view i failed to consider? any tactic that is designed to stick? or just something that doesn't work on an assumption that you need to do it consistently for it to work? (and then feel like a failure once you inevitably stop doing it)

all the tips and tricks i googled fail at this step, no book on adhd that i've read highlights this problem, this can't be just me right?

i'm just so tired

My natural instincts seem like all the things you need to avoid with an avoidant partner like overwhelming intensity of feelings, going all in, oversharing, excitement, showing raw feelings etc. I was wondering if it's even sustainable.

In case it's not a run while you can scenario, I would appreciate any advice for an early talking stage with an avoidant and later stages if it goes well

Thanks!!

Yeah, what the title says.

When I try to explain to friends or family how difficult it makes things in a relationship when one person (me) has ADHD they never get it and I often get the impression they think my wife is overreacting.

I understand that they want to support me but they aren't helping, it just makes me angry. I know that it's not all my fault but I want them to understand what a mental and emotional burden it can be to be the partner of an ADHD-person. Even when I tell them that our problems are typical for ADHD-partnerships, that everything I've read about it tell exactly the same story that we have been going through, it doesn't really make an impression and I want to scream at them "please for fuck's sake believe what I'm telling you!!"

Ugh.

Edit: Looking at the comments and reading my post again I feel like I should have phrased it differently:

What bothers me is not that people don't get how much I struggle with ADHD. What bothers me is that they can't seem to comprehend how mentally and emotionally draining it can be to be the partner of someone with ADHD and seem to have very little understanding or sympathy for my partner. And that makes me so mad because everyone seems to think I'm this great person and my wife must be overreacting.

Pretty much what the title says. Also, how long does it usually last for when it happens?

I don't really know who to talk to right now and posting here seems a good idea.

So, like the title says, I think my marriage is over. For context: Me (F42) and my wife have been married for 9 years. We got married not even a year into our relationship and I had no idea back then that I had ADHD. Did we get married too soon? Yes and no. The problems didn't really start until around year 5, so even if we had gotten married after, say, three years, the outcome would have been the same.

Around two and a half years ago my wife suggested that I may have ADHD after things had started getting worse and worse. But although I was open to the idea it took me a year to get off my butt and get diagnosed and start treatment. Precious time that I wasted.

Now I've been on meds for a year and in therapy for around 9 months. Some things have gotten better but the core problem remains: My wife feels responsible for everything, is shouldering pretty much all the mental load and I seem to be unable to become the reliable adult partner that she needs. ADHD or the way I handle it has completely eroded our marriage and the love we had between us. My wife feels exhausted and trapped and I feel helpless because I feel like I maybe moved up a level or two in my "adulting skills" but I'd need to be a Level 10 to make our marriage work. Or make any marriage work, for that matter.

I feel extremely sad. I feel sad about the suffering I have caused my wife, who really tried to stick it out. Probably longer than she should have for her own good. Sad because I've been trying really hard and I see some people who have ADHD but who also seem to have an "overachiever personality" and they have their shit together so much more than I do. Sad because I wasted a whole year doing nothing. Sad because we used to be so happy together and used to love each other so much and now all that seems to be left is bitterness and resentment.

😢

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who has has already commented and shared kind words with me.

My wife and I have been going over this many many times. I know what she needs and I am trying and a feel fucking sad about the fact that, maybe, we just can't make it work. But I also realize I'm starting to reach a point where being on my own is beginning to sound liberating. I've never had a problem with being single and I feel like at least then there isn't anyone I can disappoint anymore. It's just me and if I fuck up the only person having to face the consequences is me.

I just feel really bad because I feel I have cost my wife so much. She would have wanted to have kids and I've always been on the fence about it. I used to absolutely not want to have kids when we met, then kinda came around to the idea (when you're super in love it does become a kinda wonderful idea) but then gradually starting feeling more and more uncertain. And now I'm at a point where, regardless of whether or not I want to have kids (I don't have a desire to have them but could imagine having them) I don't think I'm capable of raising kids. If we had broken up sooner my wife might have had a better chance at having kids with someone else.

I'd be lying if I said I haven't been feeling awful myself. I feel like I'm under constant pressure because I want to "prove myself" and the more I worry about fucking up the more tense I get. The best moment of the day is when I go to bed because then I don't have to do anything for the next 8 hours, just rest and sleep. Can't mistakey if not awakey :P

And our relationship has been deteriorating for so long and we've both become so fed up with each other. My wife is fed up with me because I'm not who she needs me to be and I'm fed up with her because I feel like even if I try to manage something myself, take care of something myself, I don't do it the right way. Sometimes it really isn't (last week I almost set the oven on fire) but sometimes it's just a minor thing.

Maybe, as sad as it is, we're better off apart and would be happier on own own / with someone else.

Is it an ADHD thing to need time alone more than neurotypical people do? And if so, how do make sure you get it?

I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD but am starting to suspect that I have it.

One thing I know about myself is that I REALLY struggle if I can't have time alone and it's also the main thing that I know that the people in my life struggle to accept about me. It makes me feel really bad not getting enough time alone and not feeling like it's OK with other people if I take it.

Not sure if this is something people with ADHD relate to. Maybe you guys can tell me?

Thought experiment:

If the world was going to get reconfigured in 2026 for maximum benefit to people with ADHD, what would it look like?

I have a problem that every time i want to start new hobby, i cant work on it for long enough time to develop it into a habit. I quit the hobby i started even less than one month after starting it, even if i am excited and interested in working on it for a long time.

Since i dont know if i really have an adhd, because psychitriastists i went to say that i dont have adhd, despite i have common symptoms like lack of motivation, problems with learning and work, and problem with working on hobbies for a long time, i need to somehow find a way to work on a single hobby for a long time, without meds.

I have ADHD, and my therapist has confirmed it, just like the results of ADHD tests. He isn't bad, he greatly helps me with my depression. However, he doesn't provide an official diagnosis nor prescribe pills.

He says it's my trait and that I should learn to live with it. Like, take more breaks, find a motivation. Easy to say, hard to do. I can't keep up with the strategies he suggests, and I feel like I'm not trying hard enough.

The world doesn't wait for me. This trait is ruining my work and my routine, and it's stealing my money and my time. I can't start tasks, I can't concentrate, and I can't do anything boring or unpleasant.

For example, I can stare at a wall in the middle of a work task, with my hand over the keyboard, and lose myself in thoughts about my hobby. And I don't give a damn at this moment about all my reminders, the absence of irritants, and so on.

Of course, sometimes I can force myself "just to do it", but it costs a ton of energy (btw, because of my depression, I have a tiny amount of energy). It often requires a ton of luck, too.

Is this normal? Am I just complaining?