"A #6 on the sides please, fade it to about an inch shorter than it currently is on top."
I just ask them to please do anything they can to fix whatever my hair is doing, inasmuch as possible, and to remove as much volume as they can without it getting out of control (too long, and it's a chaotic uncontrollable mess; too short and it's also a chaotic uncontrollable mess; these two states sometimes overlap... but I don't want to shave the whole damn thing).
It usually works for a week or two until it starts getting long enough to start getting completely out of control again.
Shave it all off
I'm bald
I do go to get my beard trimmed occasionally though, I just describe what I'm looking for- I like the length, just kind of square it up a bit and make it look neat, and fade in my sideburns.
It helps that I do a decent enough job of keeping it trimmed on my own, I just go in a handful of times a year before weddings and other fancy events when I need to look particularly nice
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