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The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Storms_Wrath on 2024-10-28 05:16:41+00:00.
"I'm intrigued by what your upper floors offer."
"Welcome to Legion Capital, a subsidiary of the Legion Conglomerate," a computer intoned. The entrance was highly secure, and Special Investigator Catrayshe's implant noted the pair of androids that stood by the door. Their four-legged forms looked predatory, with strange jaw structures that looked like they relied on hinges. He even spotted a small nozzle inside one of their jaws, and his implant's vision stopped at their metal skin.
He passed through without issue, and the scanner withdrew. A large door opened for him, revealing a cool room with concrete walls but a tiled floor and ceiling. Over a thousand Sprilnav sat at computers, most of which were doing nothing that looked productive. However, every screen showed various portions of the market, particularly the stock market.
The common four-color divisions appeared on the white screens, their holograms only slightly popping for the 3-dimensional look. Red was for severe drops, orange was for smaller drops, yellow was for smaller gains, and green was for the largest gains.
Most of the screens were filled with reds and oranges, though several stocks related to the housing and technology industries were in the green. He'd seen similar trends back at the Stock Fairness Agency, who had sent him out directly.
The smiling secretary led him forward. Her business attire was immaculate, more than he had seen in years. Even the small pieces of jewelry on her ears accentuated her professional demeanor, which was positively infectious. Her confidence was very forward and present for all to see, though few Sprilnav on the floor even bothered to look at him.
"Here at Legion Capital, we are a highly engaged workforce, focused on mutual collaboration between employer and employee, complete with full benefits. We're a family here, not just coworkers."
"Right."
"Exactly! I'm glad you see it, Special Investigator. Legion Capital takes all investigations very seriously, and we'll offer whatever we can to ensure that the Stock Fairness Agency is properly mollified."
They kept walking, and the secretary ushered him into an elevator. The guard android followed.
"Why is that android following me?"
"Here at Legion Capital, we take pride in the safety of our workforce. That android model is specifically designed to intercept any threats, and to generate powerful shields quickly. There have been attempts in the recent past of corporate espionage, which we have already reported to the Agency. Don't get the wrong idea, we would never use this guard for anything other than its purpose."
"Of course."
The elevator opened, and they walked into a large open floor. This time, thousands of Sprilnav were working at various call centers. Several rooms were blacked out with curtains, and low mist levels wafted around their locked doors.
"What's in those rooms?"
"Those rooms are where we have conversations about proprietary information with investors and clients. I'm not officially authorized to allow you into those rooms, and you will have to be approved by the higher ups for that."
"Why isn't a higher-up meeting with me in person? I am an important representative."
"Senior Manager Poundacrawla's flight was delayed, and he'll be here in around 1000 pulses. Luckily, his client was understanding of the issue, so he was able to find a new flight to accommodate him. We can discuss the specific requests of the Agency further in my office."
"That is understandable."
He didn't want to simply assume they were evil. The employees didn't seem stressed, and the Legion Conglomerate was one of the larger companies that had recently caught the attention of the Agency. However, it only started to hire so many employees after a significant guerilla marketing campaign, combined with massive benefits. Its investors would currently be at a loss but would quickly make their money back as the Conglomerate scaled up.
Legion Capital was the wing that focused the most on the stock market of the Ecclesiarchy. It had been founded around ten years ago, which was beyond the scope of the 'high concern' timeframe. This meant that it would only suffer minor scrutiny from the Agency.
"-and we fund various community projects, housing initiatives, and aspirational value raising campaigns. We're on track to be rated one of the fastest growing companies of the year, and proud to give back to our local economy."
"Many of the former workers in the Stock Fairness Agency have wound up here."
"True. But that was their decision. We did not target them, they simply decided to come join our family. Perhaps some are only in it for the benefits, but that doesn't place the blame at our claws. Legally, we have already assured every portion of our growth was above board, and that even attempts at illicit actions were met with immediate termination and blacklisting from our wider contacts. We are only interested in legitimate profit for those who work with us, and for our investors, who have so graciously given us the ability to manage their funds."
"Yes. Your company structure follows that of a stock fund. Here is the Agency's request for a copy of your prospectus."
Catrayshe handed the secretary the document. She scanned it with her implant.
"The veracity of your document has been affirmed. Our executives still have to meet to authorize its release to an outside agency, even yours, so that will take time. Expect at least 4 business days before a response is given."
"That is reasonable," Catrayshe agreed.
"Good to hear."
"As far as we know, Legion Capital's most prominent investment strategy is distressed securities investment, which has paid you a hefty profit from numerous bankruptcies and acquisitions driven by the increasingly chaotic market. Do you agree with that assessment?"
"We broadly follow that model, though we also invest a growing portion of our funds in relative value arbitrage. It will likely be our main vehicle for growth in the next profit periods, as our custom VIs have identified the regions of profit that best suit us, which our top analysts agree will best serve the company in the future. Legion Capital also focuses heavily on reinvesting these profits into growing the company, at a higher margin than comparable organizations."
"Yes, your profit margins have been absurdly large in your latest reports. There is a section of them listed as 'Overgrowth Expenses.' Can you explain those in more detail?"
"Of course. These expenses are often dedicated to various branches of the company which the main investors and the board wish to see 'overgrow' their current projections. Some of these investors, mind you, are very influential individuals, so that is why this sum is so significant. As for disclosing their names, I do not have authorization for that, however I can pass a request for a naming dispensation up the chain of command. It will require time to notify these clients and allow them time to gather legal counsel. Liability in these situations can be sticky, and there are many who would rather not have their more... private sources of wealth be disclosed."
"Why wouldn't they? If they have nothing to hide, they have nothing to fear."
"My claws are tied, Special Investigator. While I agree with your sentiments, the Senior Manager will be able to more properly determine the conditions of cooperation."
She sat back in a chair, pushing a pair of cold snacks into her mouth and nibbling them. The further questions all led to similar responses.
"The Senior Manager is the one who decides those."
"You would have to see the Senior Manager for that."
"I'm sure the Senior Manager would be happy to fill you in on that."
"The Senior Manager is coming soon, it will take only a little longer."
"We can circle back to that with the Senior Manager."
Then she pulled out a small tablet and began writing down all the questions she was so blatantly stonewalling. She never broke the facade of friendliness and a professional respectful demeanor. She never frowned or looked angry. The most she did was hold up her left claws while eating, then wait to answer him again.
The timeframe she'd mentioned came and went. Then, it did so again. When Catrayshe became truly upset, the android guard moved between them and sat down. Finally, a new Sprilnav walked into the building.
He was wearing a full holographic headset. Tens of thousands of tiny screens flashed near his eyes, and each claw had its own keyboard floating nearby. Sometimes, he wouldn't even walk on his claws, and his shoes would propel him forward on wheels. It looked ludicrous, but he was still immaculately dressed. A well-cut robe hid denser cybernetic lines and scars below his neck and legs. A small armored ridge lined his back, segmented for maximum mobility.
Finally, his golden eyes met Catrayshe's own, and the glimmer of thousands of tiny holograms parted. They didn't disappear, but at least his eye contact was clear. He reached his claws forward.
"Greetings. I am Senior Manager Atinoo. How can I be of service to you today, Special Investigator?"
"Your secretary ha...
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