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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Heather_Bea on 2023-09-17 06:04:47.

My SO and I were initially planning a small, child-free wedding. When we mentioned it to his parents they were upset and basically threatened not to attend if his nephews couldn't come. We relented for them only, and have asked other people to make accommodations for their kids. Everyone else has been fine with this.

Between the time we started planning the wedding and now, my SIL divorced her husband. She asked us to switch her +1 to bring a friend who we do not know, and we said yes.

They will be driving in on Thursday for our wedding that is on Saturday. She just sent a text informing us that her +1 couldn't get childcare arrangements, and will be bringing her two elementary school aged daughters to our wedding.

We reminded her that we only wanted her kids, and she says she doesn't know what the big deal is and that if we don't allow the strangers kids she won't attend either.

I am upset for a number of reasons, and part of me wants to let her die on this hill if that is her choice. The other part of me thinks I wouldn't notice two additional kids as long as they are well behaved, but it's just unfair for the multiple other people who had to figure it out.

I just don't know how to tell her no without breaking an already fragile relationship that my SO has with his sister.

Edit: just to add, my SO wants his sister there and is considering giving in to her demands, but I want to hold our ground as it is our wedding and she should respect our choice.