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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Shoddy_Reach_4774 on 2023-09-17 19:08:56.

I (29m) and my gf (25f) have been together for a year now.

Yesterday we were supposed to us doing our own stuff till about 6pm and she was going to come over to my place and then we were gonna watch a movie at the theaters. At like 6 she calls me says that she panic bought a dresser from target (she just moved into a new place, and her closet’s a lot smaller than before so she has nowhere to put her stuff), and asked me if I was willing to help her with move and carry it to which I straight said not tonight. She then countered by asking me if I’d rather sit on my couch and do nothing than help her with this (she’s a nurse and she works Su-W)

1. I’ve had a long week at work with multiple deadlines that I had to meet
2. I’m the chapter President at my non profit and I had to give a presentation to like 80 people midweek
3. I was just tired from the workout earlier that day.

She said the trend of me being unreliable in her times of desperate need continues. She brought up another instance in the past where her Lexapro needed a refill, and she didn’t get it filled till the last moment and then she ran out, her pharmacy is close my office, so I offer to pick it up for her and she said yes.

I picked it up and I got home later that night at like 8pm that night and then she calls me asking what the plan is, and I’m like uh what, and then she goes off on how she’s dizzy and sick cause of the withdrawal from lexapro and that she doesn’t want to plan after getting off a 12 hour shift and then kept saying how she wouldn’t have asked me pick it up if she wanted me to give it her and that I’m unreliable again. That escalated into another fight where I brought up miscommunication and she said she can’t rely on me in her times of need.

Text me saying that? “Please drop off my medication if possible” how hard is that? I can’t read between lines on a busy workday

Im someone who already beats himself up a lot mentally.(It’s gotten better after 2 years of therapy but still) I just cried all night and told her she needs therapy to work on her shit and that I will not be a punching bag for her to project her panic onto. I said I can’t take this every time and that if she doesn’t work on her shit, we may have to part ways. (I really don’t want to, but I don’t think it’s healthy for me to have a raging headache the next day cause of all the crying during fights like this?)

She keeps saying how all she’s doing is expressing her disappointment and that healthy in a relationship and that we don’t have to fight over every instance, but then how do you then deal with being called unreliable and the silent treatment that follows?

AITA

UPDATE: to everyone saying I wasn’t willing to help, I just wasn’t willing to help that night. I was okay with helping today, tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever she’s free. I just wanted one Saturday evening off cause I worked the previous Saturdays