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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bleachdyeproblem on 2023-09-18 18:11:25.

So I have a weird problem and after I told my boyfriend he told me this sub would be the perfect place to get help on.

So I (25 F) am meant to be in the bridal party of my friend Zoe’s (26 F) wedding in December 2024. A couple days ago, she met with me and the rest of the bridal party to discuss what the plan was for hair, makeup, dresses, etc. At first it seemed reasonable. She’s going for a winter wonderland type of theme, so blue dresses (all in different shades, lined up as a gradient) with silvery accents, snowflake jewelry and soft makeup, even blue contacts for those of us without blue eyes. Last one’s a bit weird, but it’s no big deal to me, I’ve worn color contacts for Halloween.

The bit that ended up being an issue for me is that Zoe requested we all get our hair dyed. A couple members of the bridal group are natural blondes (with dyed ends), and so is Zoe (but she wants to go platinum for the wedding), but the rest of us are two brunettes, a strawberry blonde (she wasn’t “blond enough”?), and a redhead. I’m one of the brunettes and I’m the only one in the group who has never dyed or bleached their hair. I’ve considered it, but I can never stay settled on what I want to do, and I’d hate to spend money on something that I end up hating. On top of that, my mom spent from ages 5-13 flat ironing my hair almost every single day. It really damaged my hair. I’m almost certain it’s resulted in my hair being thinner than it used to be. I know bleaching can also damage your hair, and I don’t feel comfortable taking that risk yet.

I told Zoe I wouldn’t be able to dye my hair. She insisted it would be fine, as my hair seemed quite healthy and she would be paying for the bleaching treatments for all of us. I again said no, thanks so much, but I can’t. I asked if I could just wear a wig and she said no, that wigs are cheap and unnatural, and she wants us to have our real hair bleached instead of some cheap imitation for the day. After more back and forth, she told me I should go home and think about the fact that I’m ruining her vision and that I’d be ruining the photos and wedding video that she and her fiancé (30 M) will be putting together for his grandparents (84 M & 82 F) to view, since they won’t be able to fly in from Argentina. I apologized, paid for my meal, and left.

I really don’t want to dye my hair, but I also don’t want to ruin Zoe’s picture perfect day. I don’t think I’m being difficult or wrong here, but am I?

Edit: For a little clarification on how things stand and what’s expected, I’m a 6-7 on the hair color scale. The other brunette is a 5. Zoe wants the six of us to be at 9-10. She only wants herself to be platinum. She currently sits at a 10 on the scale. Also, I do not have dark eyes. My eyes are green. Two of the other girls do have light brown eyes though.