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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRA3839230303 on 2023-09-20 11:50:57.
I (29F) am in a complex situation that I never thought I'd find myself in. My husband (32M) and I decided to pursue surrogacy as we were unable to conceive on our own due to medical reasons. His sister, let's call her Sarah (45F), graciously offered to be our surrogate, and we were overjoyed. She has 2 children of her own (22F) (24M) who’s births went smoothly so we thought it wouldn’t be a burden on her body and since she was healthy we agreed to go further with the process.
Fast forward to six months ago when our beautiful baby girl was born. We were beyond grateful to Sarah for her incredible gift to us, but that's when things started to get tricky. Sarah seemed to become extremely possessive of the baby, acting like she was the mother.
Whenever she would come over to our home she insisted on being present for diaper changing, feeding, and naptime. At first I had no problem with this but I told her it would be better for her to rest having given birth recently. But she insisted on helping out. But then things changed, she constantly started telling me how to care for the baby as she ‘has more experience’.
She acts like she knows what's best for our child more than we do. She even started referring to the baby as "her baby" in front of our friends and family during family gatherings and constantly reminds them that she birthed my baby and tells people about my fertility issues saying how unfortunate it is.
Naturally, this has caused tension between my husband and me. I've attempted to talk to my husband about it, and while he acknowledges that her behavior can be overbearing, he didnt want to confront her because he's afraid it will strain their relationship. He thinks we owe her too much to criticize her actions.
But despite this, I finally decided to have a conversation with Sarah about her behavior. I expressed my gratitude for her surrogacy but explained that it was causing confusion and stress for our family. I tried to explain how her actions were making me feel overwhelmed and that I wanted to establish boundaries as it’s MY baby. She became emotional and accused me of not appreciating everything she had done for us, reminding me that she was the reason we had a child in the first place. she said i was not understanding the bond she had developed with the baby during pregnancy.
After the argument I noticed how some of my husbands side of the family started treating me differently and looked at me differently. I feel so stressed and don’t know what to do.