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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Typical_Ferret_6096 on 2023-09-20 14:06:55.
My sister in law (brothers wife) got married recently. I offered to throw a bridal shower for her knowing that she doesn't have any friends, and her cousins are boys. She gladly accepted and seemed very happy. So I started planning, I consulted with her on a few details to make sure the event would be to her liking: the decor, colour scheme, games/entertainment etc. And it was agreed that we would have the party at her house, a few streets away. Everything was in order until she finally sent me the guest list of over 40 people!!! Hosting this amount of people during the pandemic (no restrictions at the time) in a small space seemed impractical to me. So I offered to have the event at my place instead, in order to accomodate all these people (originally we had discussed about 8 -12 guests) I have a large outdoor area with a fireplace, pool and garden and have plenty of extra chairs, tables etc. So nothing would need to be hired and the venue would be free. SIL freaked out!!! She insisted that we have the event at her place even after I explained that the space would be far to small for the amount of people on her guest list and attempting to accommodate that amount of people would pose more of a health risk. She insisted so I agreed but I tried to manage her expectations of the event by saying that we wouldn't have enough space to have a photo booth, candy table, champagne bar etc.
She accused me of making her event about me and saying that I should be doing whatever she wants and not what I want. I just wanted her to have the best celebration possible and felt that I could do that for her if I had the space to make all of my ideas come to life. I also feel that if someone volunteers to do something for you on their dime it should be appreciated regardless. At the end of this conversation she said that maybe it's best if I don't arrange it for her after all. I accepted immediately and said that I really wanted her to be happy and if she preferred someone else to arrange it instead that that would be the best option going forward, and that I will not be involved any further and attend as a guest. And she agreed to this. A few hours passed that day and suddenly she messages me again and apologized for being rude and saying she was just stressed etc. But she really wants me to still plan the party for her so she'll 'let' me do it. I feel that my offer was very gracious and the fact that I opened my home to her and her family was generous, in addition to paying for the event.
But was I in fact the real the A hole here?