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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throwaway201908399 on 2023-09-20 19:34:36.

So, disclosure: I love my SO. They are absolutely the person I want to spend all my time with, and I thoroughly enjoy making them happy as I can. We've been together for more than a few years now. Let's call them a super non-binary name like Chris, just in case they find this. We're Nth generation Americans, so nothing below is cultural that I can tell.

Chris has some eating habits that they're unwilling to change, and I just cannot have a meal with them.

• They eat with their hands. We're not talking about fries and pizza, we're talking about picking out the sliced olives from their salad. If I grill some veggies, then they'll ignore the utensils altogether, and eat with their fingers. It's not a huge deal, but happens enough that it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

• Open mouth chewing. This is the killer for me. Chewing with their mouth open and then licking or smacking their lips. It's not a quiet chewing either, as it's a bite of a burger for example, and then chewing without closing their lips. After a bite, it's a half tongue out to lick their lips. It'd be one thing if I could just read a book or check my phone while we're eating but the killer is always the sounds! I can hear the SMACK SMACK SMACK while eating. Did I mention the soup slurping? There's soup slurping too. All the noises while eating.

For a few months now, I've been avoiding meals at home together (mostly dinners), where I'll make them a meal, and then just say I'm not feeling well or hungry. They began to notice that I had an appetite when eating out at restaurants or with company, but seemed to be avoiding the issue at home. So I explained the issues, and they seemed super oblivious about it. So I asked if I could point out when they were doing it, in case it was thoroughly subconscious. We tried that for a bit, but they quickly became frustrated with my "constant corrections."

I've given up at this point, and have considered this to just be something we agree to disagree about.

I absolutely love every other interaction we have, and everything else in this relationship aligns exceedingly well.

AITA for just avoiding meals with them when we're alone? They expressed how they're feeling hurt when I avoid meals, or point out the noises, but they're also unwilling to work on the uncomfortable (for me) sound effects.

When we're eating with others, then I'll stick around but usually ensure that I'm back in the kitchen to "finish up" or clean etc. while they eat so I enjoy more of my meal without the barbaric sounds (I kid, but seriously...)